What's da haps, man?

[soleil]

You sound strong to me.

It's nice to hear that definitely even if I don't feel it sometimes.

As for getting a new L, I won't do that because I don't feel like shelling out more $.

Isn't it amazing that he can sound all broken hearted etc in his texts but yet planning a full on warfare against you?

You've got that right.

The house is apparently worth less than what we spent on it. I am so lost on this thing. Sometimes I think I should just sign it over and be done. He is the one living there anyway. I've got to get some copies of paperwork to my L. I feel like I have no energy today.

Over the weekend, I went to a Halloween costume party with HG. We kissed. We've been out 6 times now and I am liking him and we spend a lot of time talking, for hours sometimes. I do feel conflicted. I asked him if he thought we were going too fast and he said No. He's been very good about not touching me, keeping his hands to himself/stuff like. I had a good weekend--last night my family and I went to dinner to a place where stbx and I used to always go and I felt the tears welling in my eyes. Came home and cried in the shower. I've been really good about not crying lately but last night I just had at it.

I found out I've got an A in one of my courses and this makes me happy. I have another exam this week.

[v1olin]

Costume party sounds like fun! I wish I went to a party last night. HG sounds like a good person too. Just take it all very slow. I know those feelings or loss when you are in a familiar place, time of year, or whatever. I feel the same things but I am much better at letting them go now. My X invited me into her/our house last night but I told her I would just wait outside. There are too many triggers in there for me. She has no clue at all, her head is as empty as it was when she was 14.

[rockedworld]

Yeah Sol... I think those triggers still happen from time to time and that's ok. I think its good you let yourself have a good cry and release some of those emotions.

I agree with v1olin... take it slow with HG but enjoy the good too. You deserve something good in your life.

[ImprovedRomeo]

You could always sign it over but why do it when he won't give you anything you want. You have some leverage with the house keep it for now.

I'll echo (and loudly) what violin and FormerlyRockedWorld said...go sloooow and enjoy it. HG likes you, I could read that pages ago. Of course you realize no guy will say you're moving too fast So you have to set the pace you're comfortable with because he's in a different place than you. You don't want to ruin a good thing you may have here by getting into it too hot and heavy and then feeling guilt, anger etc because of the potential conflicting feelings. Just keep it PG13 and enjoy it

Of course, for all you know you were just attracted to his costume and not HG?

(((sol))) crying is ok, it can be healing...hang in there. Good job on your exam and goodluck on the next one

[whatisis]

Sol, you've got a lot going on. I believe you've only been separated 7 months and you've got the beginnings of a new R. The D is still not final, you're under a lot of stress with that so I'd be very very cautious with this new R. At this time we can be very needy and having someone new in your life who treats you with respect, listens and is attracted to you is very enticing, it's also stressful emotionally because you haven't yet detached from your previous R. Be careful and don't be concerned if you feel you have to back away from HG at some point. You've got a lot on your plate.
Btw, tears are good!

[ImprovedRomeo]

Sol, guess what song came on the radio today as I was driving home from work? it made me think of you and HG. I bet HG is singing it everyday now:

Your lipstick stains
On the front lobe of my
left side brains
I knew I wouldn't forget you
And so I went and let you
Blow my mind

LOL

BTW, wii is probably right with cautioning you. Unfortunately I don't have a lot of experience with the post-D Rs. There was only one girl I fell for hard and she backed off- she had her own things going on in life. I can tell you it stings to get hurt but we all live...and sometimes learn. I learned a valuable lesson from this experience and that is: fall in love with 2 girls at once if one rejects you you still have a backup

[soleil]

ALL of you guys are right w/ regards to going slow and I very much appreciate your input.

There are too many triggers in there for me. She has no clue at all, her head is as empty as it was when she was 14.

This gave me a chuckle, Violin!

Wii, you gave me some good advice. I have not lived w/ stbx in over a year now. That is crazy typing that. It seems like not long ago at all. I need to watch out for myself, first and foremost. I do have a lot on my plate, that is not even a question?

Yesterday I had to make some copies of our house docs and other pertinent info for my L and I felt the tears welling up in my eyes reading all that stuff, and each paper he's served me/sent me. I also found a journal I'd written after he confessed to having slept with someone else and it all came rushing back. I wish that would have never happened. It was like a dagger in my heart. I wish I could just schedule a final hearing for the D already but stbx wants to do all this back & forth w/ suing me re: mortgage.

IR, I do love that song you posted. Soo much. As for things getting "hot and heavy" I have made it clear that is not going to happen. I also realize hardly any men would ever say things are going too "fast." LOL. Yes I remember your long list of women, and one of them was the neighbor, right? Did you ever see her again?

Should I cut things off w/ HG til D is final? Thing is, I do find the time we spend together to be enjoyable. It is nice having someone to hang with after all this time.

It's really yucky that there is no edit button here...

[ClingingToHope]

I also realize hardly any men would ever say things are going too "fast."

That's just another Mars and Venus thing. Guys would never say things are going too "fast" when it comes to sex. Guys would say things are going too "fast" when it comes to marriage.

[TimeHeals]

That's just another Mars and Venus thing. Guys would never say things are going too "fast" when it comes to sex.

Depends. Macho Boys and Wimpus Americanus would never want things to slow down; they're just happy to be there, and it validates their ego

A self-respecting gentleman with good self-control and healthy self-esteem on the other hand... wonders if she is worthy and takes his time.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Yesterday I had to make some copies of our house docs and other pertinent info for my L and I felt the tears welling up in my eyes reading all that stuff, and each paper he's served me/sent me.

(((hugs))) yes, it sucks but also helps you see his true colors. Frankly if STBXW hadn't been this nasty to me I probably would've been stuck in the rut still idealizing her like I did for a long time.

I also found a journal I'd written after he confessed to having slept with someone else and it all came rushing back. I wish that would have never happened. It was like a dagger in my heart.

Don't look at the journals, pics etc yet. It's too new, too fresh of a wound. Put them all in a box and write 2013 on them- that's when you can look at them if you want to. You know sometimes you tell a doctor 'it hurts when I do this' and the doctor says 'don't do that then' well that applies here

I wish I could just schedule a final hearing for the D already but stbx wants to do all this back & forth w/ suing me re: mortgage.

And that day will come and it'll feel like a huge accomplishment when you get there because of all you will have endured to get there. Hang in there, live one day at a time and enjoy your life. You won't have these years back so try to do things for you!

Yes I remember your long list of women, and one of them was the neighbor, right? Did you ever see her again?

Yeah...well none of them really made my heart flutter like this other girl. Don't want what you got, can't have what you don't got But I don't really want to see anyone these days. Just want to heal and continue enjoying myself. If someone comes along great, if not no big deal my life is quite good the way it is.

Should I cut things off w/ HG til D is final? Thing is, I do find the time we spend together to be enjoyable. It is nice having someone to hang with after all this time.

You don't have to cut things off with HG if you enjoy spending time with him but take it slow, hang out in public places keep it more platonic for a bit with a little bit of responsible hugging and kissing thrown in- fogged up car windows at 2am on an empty street isn't it (ah the younger years I miss)

When's your court day?