Here is the epiphany I had today and It may help tank with his conundrum. I love her because she is the mother of my children and we spent many years together and went through a lot. She took care of me when I was sick and saved my life. What I realized today is that I also resent her. I do because I do not think I did anything that would justify infidelity. I do because she lied to me repeatedly and has not come clean yet. I am not showing it because I want to save the marriage and if I keep pressuring her I would be acting like the old me. I don't want her to panic, but she needs to understand that I do not want her to stay with me because she has no other place to go. I do not want to sabotage my chances for reconciliation but I need to know where I stand. She agreed to go to counseling together and we are doing so on Dec 1. I think she is softening out of guilt for what she is done but like you guys mentioned before, that is pity, not love and she is not showing me any respect. Like Sandi2 said, I need to take my pants back. It is not easy to do that without starting a war that will affect the children. So tomorrow when she gets home we will talk. I will take my Zoloft so that I do not get emotional and I will ask her this:
What do you want to happen?
Do you still want a divorce?
If so, when do you think that will happen?
If not, why don't you want a divorce anymore?
If it is because of fear of losing health coverage, do you want to file for legal separation then?
If yes, lets get the ball rolling because I do not want to have any other financial ties to you and I do not want to support your new "lifestyle" because IMO is not good for me, for the children, for the family and in the long run not even for you.
Please understand that I still love you but I can not allow you to behave in a disrespectful manner towards me because that does not help my cause and it affects the children negatively. If you want me to be your friend for the sake of the kids, you still need to respect your friend.
Would you like to know what I need from you so that I feel respected?
Yes? Ok. First you need to tell me the truth and nothing but from now on. You need to explain to me what happened because I think I deserve a full explanation. You do not need to fear my response. I know you are sorry, but I need to know what you are sorry for.
If you do not want a legal separation, then what do you want?
You don't know? You are confused? You need time?
Ok, I give you time. But in the interim, what are we?
Should I see you as my enemy? my friend? my frienemy?
If we are not friends, the kids will suffer, but if we are not open and truthful, we can't be friends.
Me 39 W 37 S 5 D 2.75 Married 12 years Together 14 years Bomb Dropped 08/16/10
