They are not going to want you to hurt, which is that whole martyr crap mentality and aura most LBS wear when they do this.
So...they SEE you hurting and suffering, and think it is in your best interest for you not to suffer, because they don't want to see you suffer.
I had a conversation with my friends and family, the ones who knew, and said,
"Thanks for your advice, but I am maarried, here is what I am going to do, I am DBing (summed up what DBing was) and I am going to need your support in my decision, especially at times when I want to quit. If you cannot support me in this, then we can talk about anything else in the world, but if you keep pushing me to what you want then I'm not going to be around much, because I need to focus on DBing."
It is not my job to convince you to be married, that is your job.
You want to be married?
Be married.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Good advice. I'm struggling with diarhea of the mouth right now. Think I am going to put a message on my phone's screen saver that says, "Put the phone down! Now!"
I suggest stop feeling inclined to tell everyone in the world about your wayward husband.
I am not saying he will come back to you, but I am saying if he gets to that point, most people would rather run away from the judgements (justified or not) from friends and family. and YOU are influencing those judgements they will have.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I know you are right. I have managed to get down to only 1 person who is kind or removed from my circle of friends and family. I talk to about the details og my sitch, but I think I need to stop even that because H will have some contact with them if he comes home. I don't dish on the details, but I am learning that even the general topic makes for TMI with most people.
Maybe I should write myself a 'script' and stick to it. The details are getting more ugly now that I learn more, but so much is still unknown. I should add that to my to-do list for my next IC appointment.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Yeah, that tutu is both figuratively and literally back in the closet.
Punkin, you better have something stronger than pepper spray to stop a charging fairy.
Jack and E, your points are well taken. I am not trying to convince family and friends per se, only explaining my position. They'll support me regardless whether they understand or not. Those that don't, don't concern me.
I learned early on that gathering people to my "side" has little benefit when waiting out the W during MLC. When the only person she can confide in is OM, then I've defeated my own efforts.
M / W: 43 D8 S6 M 10 years / T 13 years W admitted EA/PA: 10.6.09 Separated in same house 10.6.09 W moved out 2.27.10
Rough day today. W seems to be moving further into the rabbit hole. She doesn't understand why people are upset with her. So she lashes out at me. It's clear she's made no progress over the last 13 months. I told her I was disappointed to know that OM was still around. I said I was concentrating on working on myself. "There's so much for you to work on that there's no time for me", she says. She still refuses to take any responsibility for where the M wound up. It's all about my failures to "connect" with her.
I told her that I wasn't comfortable going back to counseling until OM was gone and we could work on the M. Yet she expects me to be reaching out.
M / W: 43 D8 S6 M 10 years / T 13 years W admitted EA/PA: 10.6.09 Separated in same house 10.6.09 W moved out 2.27.10
