WAW,,, wow

[Pensacolabroken]

Steve,

I never confirmed a physical Affair. I do know there was an emotional affair. I have the phone records and text records to prove it.

Not sure if she was sleeping with him or not, but I have been lied to at every turn about him.

Time,

wise counsel.

[Coach]

I find it incredible that this concept is so ... "alien" to a lot of people, is it really that difficult to grasp?

Even harder for people to do.

"there is no try there is do or do not."

"train hard you must to be Jedi warrior."

[MakingProgress]

I don't understand the "making it harder" part. I'm not saying it can't/work, because I just don't know. But it does seem like playing games to me, which is almost always destined to fail. Why not tell just tell them that if you're serious, here are my requirements. They either meet them or they don't.

Well here is another way of looking at it,
if you have a WAS and they are not making it easy on you, in fact they are playing very hard to get, impossible in some cases, does that make you quit or does that make you work even harder to try and get them back?

Read most of the situations on this forum and this seems to be reality in most cases.

So it's not so much a game but reality,
we tend to place higher value on things that are hard to get/acquire.

If you could step outside your house, reach into your flowerbed and scoop up hundreds of perfect 1 carat diamonds, and every one of your neighbors could also do the same thing, do you think diamonds would be that expensive to purchase? No, obviously not.

We attribute the concept of value to everything, some things have little to no value, and some things have very high value.

We pursue what we don't have,
we take for granted what we do have.

It's not playing games, it's just human nature - accept this as reality because it is what it is.

Okay, but does a two or three day stall really impart that much value in the LBS? If so, do you want your WAW back because she fell for a 2-3 day stall?

If it's not all about the stall, then someone should lay out to Pensa exactly what he needs to do, when and if he needs to go to MC, and how long he can expect this to take. It can't really be about playing hard to get a for a few days.

[robx]

you're right, a few days won't cut it, I would say several weeks or even a few months

[Coach]

Couple of questions-

How do you know when your WAS is all in?


Are you ready for the process of reconciling? The tools needed are different than DBing.

[Greek]

If it's not all about the stall, then someone should lay out to Pensa exactly what he needs to do, when and if he needs to go to MC, and how long he can expect this to take. It can't really be about playing hard to get a for a few days.

PB to W: "Clearly you are going through a lot of transition. I am going through some changes, as well. We need some time and help to dig in all of this dirt and what got us here.

I will not begin to do any reconciling until I have a transparency and no contact agreement from you. No contact means no contact for any reason. There is not a reason I would accept. Transparency requires no locks on your phone and access to email. If you cross those boundaries, I will begin interviewing lawyers to file for divorce. Non negotiable.

I will work with your schedule so we can have time with MC on a regular basis while some of this dust settles.

I'm not comfortable with a physical relationship with you at this time. Your behavior up to now has been somewhat unattractive and that won't change until trust is rebuilt."

Then, PB ~~~ remember all of that GAL advice? It's still relevant! In fact, you already have plans to meet friends at a sports bar this Saturday to watch Alabama play LSU. Or whatever. But you are NOT walking around waiting for HER to enhance your life. You are doing that all by yourself. She can be a part, or not.

That's a start.
Greek

[sgctxok]

Actually, the tools are the same for reconciling...reconciling IS DBing. It's called Piecing.

[MakingProgress]

Couple of questions-

How do you know when your WAS is all in?


Are you ready for the process of reconciling? The tools needed are different than DBing.

I have no idea. I live in world of logic and reason. Living with a WAS seems more like being on an acid trip.

As an aside, I just found out my wife of seventeen years has probably been on meds for a mental health condition (that I didn't know about) for much of our marriage and went off them nearly two years ago. Just when I think it can't get any more f'd up. . . (and she still hasn't told me.)

[TimeHeals]

Then, PB ~~~ remember all of that GAL advice? It's still relevant! In fact, you already have plans to meet friends at a sports bar this Saturday to watch Alabama play LSU. Or whatever. But you are NOT walking around waiting for HER to enhance your life. You are doing that all by yourself. She can be a part, or not.

It's more than relevant in all probability. I bet it's key.

"Hello, welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.


If you are:

Obsessive-Compulsive, press 1, repeatedly.

Co-Dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

...

Low Self Esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

Don't stand around trying to get her to press '2' for you.

[Pensacolabroken]

Greek,

Got it GAL, GAL, GAL and keep on getting a life.

I like your comments about maintaining the detachment and telling her I am not comfortable with a physical realationship yet. I will say that this evening when I sleep in my own bed and she asks me to come up to her room or vice versa.

Coach, I am asking myself that also.. I see the value in GAL. I also know a transition must occur. SHE did come to me after all and in my room on my terms. With her choice...

I think that is important. It fits with my goals.