OK, seriously, now's the time to do some real DBing: GAL, detach, listen, validate, grow, lead, man-up, ... You will need to take SMALL steps on each of these fronts to find out what works in your sitch. All these confounded nuances about validating without agreeing, being a cat whisperer when you're like a dog and your W is like a cat who leads with her her feelings like a dog does with his nose, leading without controlling, treating a woman like an equal when she behaves like a child, ... And see a lawyer ASAP. I bet everyone in these situations had a very hard time making any sense of all this if they even had a chance to use it. It may take many months, things will probably get worse before they get better. You have your chance now so go for it - fire on all cylinders!
D8 has been struggling with her new math teacher; she's smart enough for the material, but loses her concentration. We had discussed moving her out of the advanced class she's in, but were waiting for some advice from her math teacher.
Yesterday the teacher emailed us basically saying that D8 needs to concentrate, and that she was moving her seating arrangement around. I asked W what she felt about that, and she said that she thought the teacher was right. I agreed, and said as long as you're comfortable with that. She perked up and talked about it for another 5 minutes, basically restating everything.
She's still pissed off. Royally pissed off. Little eye contact, no excess talking. A bit more frustrated with our Ds than normal. I'm just keeping a PMA, smiling, acting as if. I went and worked out after the girls went to bed, then when I came home she was reading in bed. I showered and then watched Mad Men.
This morning she said "I hope you have a good day," as she was leaving. A little bit of a thaw.
You did good PH. Remember she is testing you. Testing your changes now that you are staying home. When she says "I hope you have a good day," she may have been waiting for you to jump at the thread, instead just think to yourself "whatever", and say see ya, goodbye, adios, bein vinetios, anything but "you too". He who cares the least wins in most cases when the WAW is a confused mess.
I actually replied "You too..." I don't think that detaching means being uncivil, and if that constitutes pursuing, then I might as well just not talk to her.
"She's still pissed off. Royally pissed off." Thanks good actually and to be expected. What kind of a real storm does not have gale force winds, lightening and thunder?
"I actually replied "You too..." I don't think that detaching means being uncivil, " Ya, she's just Mrs Smith, a neighbor passing on the street or just another parent at the school.
"Mental note; mention boobs for thread attention..." You made up that validation example, didn't you?
