I am tired, sad, and not really in any 'mood' to DB through my own birthday today. I have concerns about my D3's exposure to OW that I haven't even started to work though. I am not sure how I will deal with this one, but I will wait to start making a plan till tomorrow. I also have an unreasonable (or should I say reasonable) fear that H is doing this out of guilt for something he has done, is doing, or (even worse) is about to do.
I am worn out and feeling beat up by all of this. Considering pulling back after the birthday for a while. Not as a strategy, just as some self care. I need to concentrate for a while on my worst case preparations and on caring for my D3. She is acting out more and more. I may call the case worker who was helping with our foster parent application to see what she suggests for me to do for D3. She is great and may have some ideas for helping her.
Guess all this means is that it is time to pull my self up by the bootstraps as they say.
My plan for tonight's dinner with H & D3 is prety basic.
1. I will try to just enjoy having all of us together.
2. No 'talking' from me. I'm tired, and just won't be able to pull it off.
3. If H starts, to talk, I will just listen.
4. Smile and say thank you. H is putting more effort into this b-day for me than he has in a long time.
5. Act 'as if' I knew H had no ulterior motives. And to be honest, I don't know of any.
