Now you do nothing for 48 hrs. You have been letting your and her emotions drive you.
Now is the time to stop this cycle and start letting your rational thinking lead you.
Wait 48hrs to see if the crazy train comes back around. Again she probably got dumped from OM and is just feeling lonely. Do you really want to be the backup plan.
For now. I would not REACT to anything she has says. Just let her know you appreciate her talking to you and that YOU have a lot of THINKING to do.
Time, I told her I have some things to discuss with her but we need to that at MC. We have an MC appointment next week that was supposed to be to figure out how to tell our son. She asked me if we can use that instead to discuss our marriage and working this out.
I also told her I will need openeness, and transparency to rebuild the trust. She said she understands. I made no other conditions. She asked that I simply be kind.
PMA, got it nothing for 48 hours. Yea it is a freaking crazy train. I will tell her I have a lot of thinking to do. Probably should sleep in my own bed tonight.
Dont want to regress and dont want to blow it. I alsso DONT and WONT be second string to the OM. no way.
thanks for the advice and comments folks. I am very appreciative.
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
Congratulations and good luck man. I have very little advice beyond, try your best not to jump out of your skin. I know for me, right now, it would be very difficult to not try to jump back in it with two feet.
honestly, I probably would have made her work for it a bit harder, I think you're still too easy.
"I'm not sure how I feel anymore about you and your relationship, your affair made me rethink everything. I need some time to consider my options and find out what I really want now, not sure if this is it anymore...."
and then left it at that.
In her current state, I bet you she will pull the jekyll and hyde routine so don't be convinced of her initial actions right now, she may be testing to see if it's that easy to come back after all that she's done.
Playing hard to get isn't a bad thing, maybe let her worry for a little bit that you're done with this situation, make her work a bit to get you thinking that marriage is a good thing.
This is what I would do, and what I've seen work on these boards:
Wife: "I don't want a divorce; I want to work on our marriage!"
You: "Oh?"
Wife: "Yes."
You: "What changed?"
(let her explain her thinking)
You: "That's very different from what you were saying and doing just a few days ago. I'm not sure how I feel about that, or about this marriage anymore. What's different? What changed?"
(let her explain again) Do NOT go all "melty man" at this crucial point (hat-tip to PDT here)
Then I would say "I need to think about all of this. I'm not sure how I feel about it anymore. Let's talk more this weekend, maybe on Sunday."
And then RE-DETACH.
Trust me . . . IF she is sincere . . . she will come to you, repeatedly. YOU WILL KNOW. Do NOT make this too easy on her. "This is your mess; you need to clean it up" should be your position.
