It would be a mistake for a LBS to not look at their own role in the negative contributions to any marital dysfunction.
It would also be a mistake, I believe, for a LBS to always assume that they are in need of fixing, otherwise their spouse wouldn't have cheated on them. Sometimes it really is just lust.
Oh, I agree. In the end, you have to be as absolutely honest as possible about the state of the marriage along with the knowledge that nobody makes anybody else have an affair.
I see a lot more people here making a codependent type of mistake: to assume that they can control the choices of their spouse by changing themselves, or using the right magic words, or whatever.
It does no harm to improve your communication skills, it does no harm to learn from your mistakes in all of your relationships, and it does not harm to try and improve your own life through GAL stuff, self-validating, and so on. Those things are all good. But your spouse, in the end, has free will.
