Effective DBing/ Feedback and Coaching

[Coach]

A key element is the unfaithful one not only accepting responsibility and expressing remorse, but also understanding at a deep level the impact her/his affair had on their spouse.

That's just it the couples here are no where near that point. I have no issues with what you are saying it's the wrong tool for the problem at hand. Read up on how the "in love" (PEA Chemicals) effect the brain. Also look into what women find attractive in men. A predator is invading your home, how should a man act?

The goals is to get a WAS to see the reality and not the fantasy. To get the LBS from enabling bad behavior. Stop the affair, stop the abuse. All the while a LBS is doing the work on themselves and learning how to communicate better, learning how to truly love someone and to make sure they are true to themselves in the process.

I don’t think there is any magic bullet that can get another person to change or make the choices we want them to.

There's not a magic bullet. But we all have a choice in how we act and how we let others treat us.

Boundaries are a complex area since they deal with what is going on with both people. Likewise, couples in which there is infidelity are rarely a simple matter of one “bad” spouse and one “good” spouse

Boundaries are simple it's all about behavior. It's not labeling someone bad, it's you are doing something that is harmful to me, our marriage, our family and I won't allow it to continue. The offending party can choose to do what they want. Why would someone love you if you don't care enough to love yourself?

I agree with what you are saying once the affair is busted. The question is what actions do you take to get to that point.

Cheers