Wait for the vets to chime in, but I would say that based on what's happened you probably need to do the "I think you're right, this isn't working," speech. But, and this is important, you need to decide what comes after that. You can't make the speech and then backtrack.
Believe me, I know how hard this is. Most of us do. It's like suddenly being shoved into the Twilight Zone or waking up with a pod person instead of your wife.
One more question: W seems really intent on me dating. She's made comments about how she doesn't care if I do (but I care!) and at the wedding I'm going to, how I should find some "hottie" to dance and hang out with and then last night she mentions again me dating.
I'm nowhere near ready for that (and she claims to not be either), but why does she keep saying that to me? What's the psychology there?
The relevance paradox, occurs because people only seek information that they perceive is relevant to them. However there may be information (in its widest sense, data, perspectives, general truths etc) that is not perceived as relevant because the information seeker does not already have it, and only becomes relevant when he does have it. Thus the information seeker is trapped in a paradox.
An analogy would be a short sighted person, unaware of the condition, would not be able to see the glasses they need, until they have the glasses on their head - which situation can only be resolved by a clear sighted assistant placing them there.
Generally, when they suggest you date it's to alleviate their guilt. That guilt can be due to the fact that they are already involved with someone or just the guilt from not wanting you anymore. If you're with someone else they think that will make them feel less guilty. that means they're very detached.
Certainly, suggesting that you date can be a test to see your response, but by the time we get "here" our WAW's are not testing us, they're 95 percent gone.
"You don't need to come to therapy with me next week.
I was not honest with you. I didn't want you to come for closure -- that was never my goal and I led you to believe that it was. I was hoping you would hear something that made a difference in your ability to work towards reconciliation. I see now that's not possible and me being dishonest with my reasons won't help.
To answer your question of the other day: I just put my ring in my pocket.
You're free.
Later this month we should discuss separating out finances."
M: 39 W: 37 Married: 9 D5; S3 "It's Over" 09/26/10 11 Day Sep 10/10 Piecing Starts 11/4/10 Piecing Fails 4/11 I move out 5/11 Hire Lawyer 6/11 - Stall 6/22/11 Piecing #2 - 6/22/11 Home 10/11
