DB - Have you read DB? You have not been doing what is advised.
Go back and read the part about stop doing what doesnt work.
You have helped make your WAW into a "world-class caking eating champion". She has been lying from day1 and has lost all RESPECT for you because of you letting her get away with it all this time.
Go read Robs, Puppy's, Gucci's, Mcqueen's post on setting boundaries and letting go speeches.
The only thing you can do is STOP doing what has not been working. The Passive-agressive behavior is not working either and has added to her lack of RESPECT. You have to stop letting your emotions drive your actions. It's time to be RATIONAL and matter-of-fact. It's time for the "I'm not going to live in an open marriage and you need to move out speech..."
