mine too. except as soon as we physically separated, i ended the friendship.
when we were living in the same house/separate rooms, i would be cordial. after we separated, i would see him on the street and not even acknowledge him. why? like KL says .. why would you want to be friends with someone who just destroyed your marriage, wants to leave you destitute, blames you for everything, mentally and verbally abuses you to no end, and took everything in the home that you both shared?
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I'm sure they're in their own fog for wanting this and not realizing the total hell they're putting us through.
on the other hand, they probably know they are putting you through total hell because they believe you are the cause of all their unhappiness. this is what i believe my h is doing to me. punishing me for being the cause of our marital breakdown.
You ladies want to be friendly and attractive. Make him wonder, why is she in such a good mood? Why is she so radiant? It makes you feel better, it's good for your self-esteem, it's healthy, and it's attractive to him and other men.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
That's the thing with him. He thinks the opposite if friends is mortal enemies. That's not what I'm asking for. I just need my space. I don't want to know about his life, I don't want him to know about mine. I'll be happy and all around him but I'm not going out of my way to interact with him anymore. He doesn't get that yet. He will.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
As I suspected, other than the good morning text he has pretty much left me alone. Was gone within minutes of me getting home. He has also started packing the rest of his stuff.
I need to feel that this is the right thing but it is so hard. Am I doing the right thing by not being 'friends'? I'm still happy and pleasant but I'm not engaging in any conversation other than the kids. It just feels so wrong. It gets easier, right?
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
hang out with him just as friends don't let him expect anything more if you are having a good time enjoy it if you're not tell him he is a bore and go do something else
hang out with him just as friends don't let him expect anything more if you are having a good time enjoy it if you're not tell him he is a bore and go do something else
Well that goes against what everyone else is saying now doesn't it? Lol.
The topiccame up about me 'punishing' him by not wanting to be his friend. This is what I told him. Feedback?
'I do want to make something clear. My decision not to be your friend is not a punishment. My decision was based on how you have treated me for 6 months, and realistically, 2 years. I stopped talking to XXXXX because she disrespected me. She didn't treat me like a friend. Why should I have lower standards for you? You have not only disrespected me, you have lied to me, hid things from me, betrayed me and our vows, walked all over me and taken advantage of the love I had for you. That is not how a friend treats a friend. If friendship was your goal, you should have treated me, and our marriage, with respect.
This does not mean we cannot be civil, and have a good coparenting relationship for our children. However, unless a time comes where I feel I can trust you and your 'friendship' it is in both of our best interests not to go that route. Unless a time comes where you can stop the continuous barrage of hurt you constantly throw at me, we cannot be friends. No, that does not mean the fact that you don't love me, that means the fact that you have no regards to my feelings, or how the things you do and say affect me. So unless a time comes where that can stop, or a time that I am no longer affected by it, I do not want to be your friend. '
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
I'm sure I could have worded it better but I hope I got the right message across. His reply was 'ok'.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
I agree with you, IHH. That's not how friends treat each other, and it would send the wrong message (and damage your own self-worth and self-esteem) to do otherwise.
As suspected he is (mostly) leaving me alone. Has texted a few times about the kids, with questions that he could find out if he were inclined (what time do the get out of school?) but I'm not reading into it. It is easier to ask the person who knows rather than find the number, call, talk to someone, etc. So he hasn't gone and left me completely alone (which will likely never be possible, with kids and all) but he's doing as i thought. I know its only been about 4 days but I feel better. I'm getting back to the angry stage rather than the hurt stage, which makes my dimness a lot easier. Only problem it causes is how badly i want to tell him about all the nasty stuff he did, but he knows, I know he knows, and those talks never make me feel better. But sometimes I just want to rip on him!
So, so far so good. For me anyway!
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
