Any thoughts?

[KEM]

He is a friend she met through a previous job. Recently reconnected on Facebook before she left, obviously started having an EA. He is divorced, too. What scum to be a part of breaking up a family.

Tired of the mixed messages I was getting. Tired of everything. This is not how my life was supposed to end up. I'm done. Good luck to the rest of you.

[MrBond]

Something tells me you'll be back once the emotion of all this gets sucked out of you. But good luck if not.

Just one note though, if you've been reading through your posts carefully, she has not been sending mixed signals. She wanted out and just wanted to keep a good R together for your D. You took that as signs she was coming back.

This all takes time, but good luck.

[KEM]

You're so right. Why couldn't I have been hit hard enough by the 2x4 before? I'm a damn good father and a devoted husband. Yea, I made mistakes, but nothing that deserved this overreaction from her. And any man that would help break up a family and break my D3's heart by helping give her a broken home is no man. A real man has morals, character, and respect for another man's wife. I have to see W tomorrow - don't know how I'm going to react.

[bustorama]

I have to see W tomorrow - don't know how I'm going to react.

Try your best not to react at all until you have formulated your plan with the help of others here. Act AS IF nothing has changed until you have all your ducks in a row.

What's your specific evidence of EA?

[KEM]

More than EA now. OM spent halloween w/ W and D3. D3 also told me she was at OM's house. How disrespecful to me and D3. Was told by her relative OM was visiting tonight at W's grandmothers (where she is staying.) Just about a month ago it was still just EA, but seems to be progressing rapidly. Not sure how advanced, but I don't care. I'm done. D3 deserves better. I will never understand the mindset where divorce is an option. Does anyone value marriage anymore?!!

[CD Bear]

Hey, KEM.
Been there, man.

A little advice from "further down the road"?

You're not done.
Neither is she.
And this isn't about HIM,ok?
Not even about her.

All about YOU and D3 now.

And yes, lots of people value marriage. And I'm guessing you do or you wouldn't be here. That's good. Me, too.

Question- How did you show how much you value it? That's an internal question for YOU. And it's not about blame, ok? It's about improving KEM for the future. That's your internal homework question.

There will be plenty dropping by here with WHAT to do physically at this point so you'll be busy.

-Protecting yourself financially
-Protecting the rights of your daighter
-packing her stuff

You know. "Tactical" stuff.

The sooner you start looking at KEM and where you veered of YOUR path (passive aggressive, resentment, taking for granted, losing sight of YOUR aspirations, etc) the sooner you'll be able to detach from her AND the emotional roller coaster rise that IS coming. And the sooner the tactical stuff will have a lasting impact as it will come from the REAL KEM. Not the broken KEM that is posting now. Do you remember THAT KEM?

The sh)tstorm is right in front of you. You can't stay put- it's moving toward you. There is NO around over or under. It's through. ONLY through.

Shoulder down. Take a deep breath.

Ready?

[KEM]

Thank you to everyone. Look, I'm confident and strong in myself and who I am. That was never an issue. I truly love(d) my W and wanted to give my D3 a loving home more than anything in the world. I've made myself a better person by correcting any mistakes I made - and they sure as hell weren't as many as W made them out to be. I'm respected by my peers, in my community, and my profession. I have always lived the life of a moral and just person. I can't sleep. I want to take D3 and just go off somewhere far away.

[CD Bear]

Any time, KEM.

I should have read your whole thread first.

I would have noticed you have your personal life in order and are living a mistake free life. It's also reassuring to see that you also have your morals and the respect of your peers and the community.

I'm so sorry that your W doesn't realize this.

My bad.

[Truegritter]

I will never understand the mindset where divorce is an option. Does anyone value marriage anymore?!!

I am with CD on this.

This is a queation for you.

Does the value of you and your M depend on what your f@cked up W is choosing right now?

You've been at this 3 months...

And you didn't get what you were after?

What was that?

For her to come back and validate you?

You are still caught up in the emotion of the trauma and while you are you won't move forward.

Move forward?

You say you have worked on yourself? Good.

W won't or can't see that?

Who did you make your changes for?

There is more to learn here my friend besides getting what YOU want.

When you took your vows did you say

"I will love you for better or worse

BUT

If you get scared and lose your way

If you get so confused you run away

If you don't give me what I want in 3 months

I won't."

?

Something to ask yourself KEM cause it is only YOUR answer.

Not anyone here.

There is NO excuse for her choices.

BUT

Will you let the actions or inactions of someone else dictate YOUR choices.

YOUR values.

YOUR beliefs.

YOUR promises to yourself.

THAT is where your self respect comes from.

Start planting seeds there and till that ground.

Forget your wife for now...

[HopelessInLove]

So are you saying that D3 will have a loving home half the time? You say you want the world for D! You are thinking emotionally. W as you knew her is gone yes. You need to calm your emotions to better evaluate what is best for you and D3. Work on yourself your D3 will benefit the most with logical thinking.

I want the best for my 3 kids. I have reacted emotionally in sitch, now I am trying undo emotional decisions I thought were right for my kids.
You need to detach from W, there is only pain for you in holding on to a rope which is being riped through your hands.

Don't try and control her let her make her own mistakes it is the only way we can learn.

You are doing good KEM, keep up your faith for you and D.