1. Be very honest in your profile, at the same time be who you want to be in a new R. This will take you out of your comfort zone, but will probably be a much more authentic you.
2. Don't explain away red flags.
3. Many people go to dating sites to hook-up. They are easy to spot. "Hey baby, you so sexy. Want to do something (right now, at 2 a.m. in the morning."
4. People living with their spouses are NOT available. Period. End of story. They are lying to you and probably themselves if they say they are.
5. People who celebrate holidays with ex-spouses or STBX spouses are not emotionally available. Likewise, people who are still constantly evaluating how "nice" the "X" is to them are not emotionally available.
6. People who are annoying, bad spellers, dim-witted, off-putting, too aggressive online will NOT be better in person.
7. Don't waste time. If it seems worth meeting someone, meet them within a week.
8. The guy who says he wants to meet you, is crazy about you, can only talk at odd times, and hasn't managed to meet you in a month is NOT GOING TO.
9. Living with one's "X" GF or BF... See 4.
10. Phone sex, sexting, and so on are status quo these days among dating couples. But, as an introduction, well, see 2.
And by popular demand, here is my profile again - WITH NO CONTACT INFO!!
[quote]I have so many good things in my life; I'm wondering if someone wants to join in the fun...I've taken the time to know what I want and what makes me happy, and am always learning and growing. Are you? I'm hoping there is someone who likes to swim in the deep end every now and then...
I want to share my joy, my successes & time with a man who is confident, strong, has a balanced work ethic, and is happy with himself...someone who has his own set of beliefs like Crash Davis. Movies, music & theater, getting goofy sometimes, cheering at a game, hiking, driving with no set destination, exploring new places on and off the map, staying in with a crackling fire, kayaking in silence... I am well-read and look forward to intelligent conversation. I am active in my community, too.
I have two kids (15 & 11) who bring joy and laughter into my life--I not only love them, but like them, too.
What I do for fun: Exploring NYC, getting lost in the car or in a book. I'm an artist: photography & pastels. Camping & hiking to get away, but can appreciate room service. I'm slowly renovating my house, and having a great time learning how to do it myself.
My favorite hot spots: Little Italy or closer to home. Not haughty-prefer burgers & real food. Anything from comedy nite to dancing. Dream vacations: somewhere to dive for my Bday, drive to Boston or the mountains in the Summer, fly to Italy, Ireland
Some of my favorite things: Spring when things start to green, golden-pink sunsets, loud thunderstorms. Shopping flea markets. Classic books to current fiction crime & thriller. Yankees. Muscle cars (owned '70 Dodge Challenger--want the new one!) My kids, family and puppy. Mainly rock music, classic and new.
If you think we might click, I’d love to hear from you and a recent pic would be great. Well-written and thoughtful notes really make me smile...
Think you can keep up with me? (weird new question that POF is asking - what is my "intent?" I'd like to find myself in a relationship again someday, but I realize that not all dating leads to that - and I'm OK with that! Let's just have fun, make some new friends and go from there...) First Date: I'd love to go to a small quiet place for coffee or lunch, somewhere that you can pronounce all of the items on the menu.[quote]
I don't trust profiles without pictures. Either you have some major, major aesthetic flaws, or you are married and hoping that no one you know recognizes you.
(Did I mention the guy who surprised me with the crossed-eye and the 48" waist but only 28" pants? And that was WITH a photo - with sunglasses - and a big coat - and far away - and blurry).
I had to copy this one - guys, here's one that is probably NOT going to attract a solid, long term R:
Quote:
The Clownfish: half u woman r mute, u look n dont reply
Profession u will get to know that when u get to know me lol. Smarts Some college
Interests well i like to work i like to live happy i got my own an some other cool stuff i like to play pool
About Me CHEATING> I feel if a ur girl is doing all the right things in the bedroom then why should u stick ur breadstick in another suace, I keep it real ladys
WOMANS> a woman want a man to respect,not cheat, tell her she's sexy , every now n then, do small things 4 her, roses,candy, a simple kiss or A Hug sometimes will do, help around the house, things like that,
PACKAGE> I learned if u like a woman an she got kids its a package deal anlearn 2 love those kids like ur own
SUPPORT> I feel that if u are gonna try to make it work u both should go 50/50 in the whole relationship no just when u feel like it..
FEELING LOVED> I feel that a women puts up with a sh*t from a man, so I feel that if u have a good women let know that u love her, just to hear the words come out of ur mouth, " baby did I ever tell I love u " just cuddle with her, give her a kiss, tell her u don't know what u would do with out her let her know that she's ur soul mate....
WINNING> if u have a argument with ur women, she might be right, just listen to what she has to say, then think about what she said an if she's right say ur sorry things will go better then u think don't be so macho on winning, just keep it in mind she loves u..
HOUSE WORK> I feel if ur women works all day she's just as tired as u, but some how some way she cleans so show her u can clean to, help her, an she will thank in the long run..
SEX> I feel if ur haven sex remember what ur other half likes 4 u to do to keep her happy, then when the time comes u give it to her the way she likes it, an trust me she will return the faver, so ur both happy.. sex is not 1 sided I feel u should 4fill her needs, she happy now, she doesn't have to search for love u gave it to her an she's happy, so u keep ur lady happy an trust me keep u just as happy.. First Date Ok my first date with the women that I meet would go like this I think lol.. ok I would meet u then be locked on ur beauty a minute or 2, lol. Then I would ask u what u wanna do? Bcuz ur choice matters, then we can come to an agreement on where to go, the movies, dinner, ride around an talk, or all the above lol... an it wouldn't matter as long as I was with u....
I tell ya, he got me at calling half of all women "mute."
You can tell the difference between a 38 and 42 year old woman?! I think you might be overconfident in that....it is only 4 years.
I agree! People age really differently!
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
My new boyfriend is awesome and I met him through a dating site. He's the only man who I've dated through meeting online. I spent enough time on the site to form some opinions though.
Photos are a must. A good headshot without sunglasses or hat is very important. Are you listening guys? Yes you look cool in sunglasses but women need to see your eyes to trust you. A recent full body shot is a must too. Modestly clothed but giving an idea of your body type. Many people feel burned by meeting up with someone who looks nothing like their description or photos.
I've had men act really miffed when they contacted me without a photo and I asked for one. Apparently I'm soooo superficial. First, they've seen my photo so it puts me at a disadvantage. Second, humans respond to facial features on a very fundamental level -- it's not just about standard attractiveness. Third, the photo itself gives so much information about the person. Has the person taken the effort to find or have taken a decent photo of themselves? Do they have a friend who is willing to take a decent photo of them? What are they doing in the photo? How are they trying to present themselves?
You don't have to be gorgeous. 90% of members don't manage to have a single photo of themselves in natural lighting with a relaxed expression and genuine smile. Don't settle for less.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
