putting my big girl panties on

[flowmom]

Thanks for the active listening ABG . Perhaps people will learn from how you are responding to posters.

So what you are seeking is to become more fearless in the face of the possibility of heartbreak, and to find ways of being more open to what is unfolding than you have been.

Yes.

Maybe you have some thoughts on what happened in the marriage that caused this to not be the case.

I was so terrified of losing my STBXH that I didn't take the risks that I should have taken to be true to myself. What was unfolding was a lot of ugliness and I wish I had overcome my fear about confronting the situation.

So you are finding ways to both be the passionate and open woman you want and also not getting overly attached to circumstances that are not desirable.

Yes. But at the same time I have a lot of respect for the nature of attachment and how powerful it is. In cases of infidelity it's often compared to being addicted to a drug here on this forum. But the fact is that sexual/romantic attachment is a powerful biological force that has its own momentum.

It's very interesting being in throes of the passion of new relationship, while trying to confront the difficult reality of my procrastination issues. I just completed session #3 of 6 with the counselor. She wants me to consult with a psychiatrist colleague to look into whether antidepressants are appropriate for me given that undiagnosed ADHD may be a major root cause of a lot of my procrastination issues as well as some of the mood stuff (which may be secondary). She is giving me a lot of credit for my self-awareness and the efforts that I've taken to improve my situation. But she says that I have a lot of obstacles to overcome in addressing the procrastination. I'm not convinced that she can help me in the 6 weeks planned, but I give her credit for carefully tailoring her approach to work with my objectives and where I'm at.

Thanks as always for reading and responding folks. It means a lot.