Rope Burns

[pookie69]

But she takes validating as agreeing. So I need to work on it more... Anyone want to chime in with some good examples of validating her feelings while disagreeing with the general idea?

How about this one?

My dialog from Saturday night.

Me: I don't understand why you have the urge to disrespect me after a day full of fun?
W: I don't care. Do you think something has changed?
Me: I think a lot has changed but I don't want to talk about us right now.

After reading Coach's comment I should have said:
"I think you do care and I don't think enough has changed."

[pinhead]

My W would get pissed off if I said "I think you do care..."

She'd say "Don't tell me what I think or feel."

[pookie69]

"Why do you think that it's wrong for me to think that way?"

[pookie69]

Change the first "think" to "feel"

[pinhead]

So, here's a real life example...

W and I are watching The Girl who Played With Fire. There's a lesbian love scene, and my wife commented:

"Those are nice boobs. I wish I had boobs like that."

Validate that..

[sandi2]

How about this one?

My dialog from Saturday night.

Me: I don't understand why you have the urge to disrespect me after a day full of fun?
W: I don't care. Do you think something has changed?
Me: I think a lot has changed but I don't want to talk about us right now.

After reading Coach's comment I should have said:
"I think you do care and I don't think enough has changed."

Nope, don't try to tell a woman how she feels. That would set you back quite a ways.

The above dialogue is not the greatest example for valadation b/c you led off, and it was sounded kind of "feely" for a man. Maybe it just appears that way in print. I think you could have said, "I'm sorry you don't care" and then left the room.

My ideas of valadating is to say, "I could see how you might feel that way (or think that way)"."I understand what you are saying". "I'm sorry you feel that way". Or, just nod you head that you are listening but it doesn't mean you agree.

[fb2]

Ah now you're asking some good questions and getting some good responses which you still need to sift through.

What, if ...

My ideas of valadating is to say, "I could see how you might feel that way (or think that way)".
W: Oh no, you don't!

"I understand what you are saying".
W: Oh, no, you don't!

"I'm sorry you feel that way".
W: I'm tired of your games!

Then I'd go with this one:
"Or, just nod you head that you are listening but it doesn't mean you agree."

W: "Those are nice boobs. I wish I had boobs like that."
Pin: Ya, what a waste ;-)

I think you'll have to experiment a little (on small things) and see what works with this particular W.

[Steve McQueen]

"Those are nice boobs. I wish I had boobs like that."

Validate that..

"you should get your's pierced!"

[gucci loafer]

"Those are nice boobs. I wish I had boobs like that."

"Me too honey"

Learn to agree......

[robx]

So, here's a real life example...

W and I are watching The Girl who Played With Fire. There's a lesbian love scene, and my wife commented:

"Those are nice boobs. I wish I had boobs like that."

Validate that..

"you're right wife, I agree with you 110%, those boobs are fantastic!!!"

- also remember to keep your hands up at all times, cover your face, protect yourself from her jab LOL!