Months ago I would have clinged onto such statements but I did not like it at all when I got a mouthful of future talk yesterday. It included all the holidays, finances and blah, blah, blah.
2 weeks ago when I took W out to a joy ride in my brand new car, the first thing she did was fiddle with the nav system and plugged in the home address. I asked her what she was doing and she said, "Putting in the home address, isn't that where you'll live?" I said, "I don't think I will evel lose my way." She goes, "Just to make sure where your family is, woof woof."
She got a pissed off look on her face, and said "So you're still staying in the house?" I looked her straight in the eye and said "Yes. I'm going to stay in our home." She got visibly upset, and said "So now I have to move out into a one-bedroom shithole."
"yes, I think that is best for all of us."
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She just ignored that, and said "well, we'll just have to sell the house in the Spring."
This is a question to test you. Next time agree with her. Your wife doesn't really want to sell the house.
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I nodded, and she said that we would need to talk to the girls about moving D6 into D8s room, and getting them bunkbeds. The implication being that W would move into D6's room.
"I don't think we should be spending money on bunk beds with the extra expenses we are going to have with you moving out. Plus I think it's extra stress on the girls adding more changes too their life."
You still reacting put her in a position that feels a little out of control. Lead.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
She said since it was her house too, she wasn't moving out. So saying that about the bunkbeds wouldn't have fit.
Whenever I agree with her, she thinks I'm agreeing with her! I know she doesn't want to sell the house, and neither do I. So why not tell her what I intend to do? If I agree with her about selling the house, she'll think that's what we're going to do.
Brace yourself! It's goung to be very turbulent and you haven't yet got to the eye of the storm. She'll be testing you all the time now to get a reaction - banging doors, getting at the finances, tug of war with the kids ... Everything. So now's your chance to "do work" and "shine" as the crazy Drama Queen who calls himself Forrest Gump would say. You are officially at war!
But she takes validating as agreeing. So I need to work on it more... Anyone want to chime in with some good examples of validating her feelings while disagreeing with the general idea?
Whenever I agree with her, she thinks I'm agreeing with her!
The schnauzberries taste like schnauzberries.
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I know she doesn't want to sell the house, and neither do I. So why not tell her what I intend to do? If I agree with her about selling the house, she'll think that's what we're going to do.
You fight feelings with feelings not logic. Her feelings lead her thinking. Influence how she feels. Let her tell you all the reasons not to sell the house. Make sense?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
the only one i can think of off the top of my head is .. validating a spouse who wants a divorce.
i understand that you want this. i do not but i'm not going to stand in your way if this is what you want.
i dunno .. it could use some polishing but that one has been thrown around? does that help a bit?
(side note: i don't think it's proper validation to say "i understand that you *feel* that a d is necessary." because then you're telling them how they feel?)
