Me 40 Wife 37 D7 S4 Married 10years Together 14years
Into our marriage especially after having children we seemed to be having less sex and my wife would not initiate sex with me, i complained alot about this and told her some nasty things like i would divorce her or go find it somewhere else.
My wife would ask me to go do things with her but i never felt like she was proud of me, she seldom introduced me to people and never showed any effection towards me, so basically we stopeed doing things together.
So about a year ago i noticed she was acting different and treating me much differently, i asked her several times what was wrong and she said nothing, we were out of town with our children and she was texting constantly, this is also the time where she started Facebook, she went out to the car for about and hour and a half while we were at a hotel, i asked her what was going on and she said she was talking to her brother.
We arrived home and she went out to her car and was on the phone, i asked her who it was and she said no one, found out she had been talking and texting to a male friend from college that she had not stayed in contact with while we were together, he was going through a divorce. She said our problems had nothing to do with him and they were just friends, later on i found out she had seen him while she was out of town, and she said he made her feel attractive and made her feel good, this whole time i gave her ultimatums to stop with him. One night after she had gone to the bar i found a text on her phone that they had talked about a movie and things were texted back, i love you, sex, and i will make it worth your while.
i confronted her about it and she said it was a joke, i left the house and she texted me, i told her it stops and she is not to see him again even though he lives about 13 hours away. She said she would. I found out later that he was in town and they saw each other but were not out together.
We started MC and things were getting better, but the counselor was not very good and sent us on our way, sex was great and almost all the time for about two months and then it just stopped, i continued to ask my wife about this guy all the time.
She started going out with these single women, and i told her i did not want her to, started coming home at 3:00am or later saying she was going to breakfast with them, later on i found out that these women were friends with this guy.
My wife told me she was going out of twon with these girls and i told her if she went i was leaving her, she seemed not to care.
When she returned i asked her if she had any pictures and she said she would try to send them to me, never did and i found pictures on her FB and he was there, they were not in any pictures together, later on i found out that there were four women, her brother and this guy stayed in the same motel room for three nights together. She said nothing happened.
Earlier on she took me off as friends with her on FB, took pictures of me off FB, got different email accounts and messenger accounts, eventually put a password on her phone, i had found his number on her cell several times under different names
My wife told me she still loved me but there was still something missing, we started going to another MC, who really came clean with both of us, told us we need to be a 100% transparent and secrets always come out. My wife needs to act like a married woman and i need to be the most important person, she did tell me the things i need to do like stop pursuing and focusing on my wife.
My wife started going out more and more with these women, i started getting madder each time. I have broken stuff punched holes in the wall, shook the bed with her in it because she would not talk to me, fought in front of my kids. I broke a glass cook top about two months ago and decided then my life needed to change, I started taking Celexa and have not had any meltdowns since then and called a DB coach.
Wife went out of town again with these girls, told me she was super stressed and had alot of anxiety, she told me women do this all the time and i said with our status right now i did not think it was a good idea.
The last 12 weeks my wife has been out at the bar or out of town, i told her the past couple weeks i was going to file, this past weekend i told her i was going Monday to file, she stayed out until 4:30am.
I continually ask her if there is someone else.
Last week i told her decide what she wanted, she could not tell me so i told her i would file, later on she said she wanted to seperate and nest with the children.
Occasionaly during these past twelve weeks i would not say anyhting to her or leave the house she would text me saying she was sorry, she felt so bad and she knew she was wrong, also sometimes she would come snuggle with me and say im sorry. This Sunday i decided to file on Monday, she laid in bed with me and snuggled, said i am sorry and started to cry i asked her why, she said things are so messed up, later on she held me for several minutes. I had planned to file today but hope something may have changed with her.
She thinks i am controlling, i though i was protecting my marriage. She says i dont want to be her friend, hard to when she is not transparent. Thinks something is menatlly wrong with me, dur. Says i dont want to do anything with her, well she does not want to be around me. Said i was gone hunting all the time, one day a weekend rarely two days.
In the past month she has stopped going to MC, i have continued. She did speak to the DB coach one time and forgot to call back the next time, I am continuing with the DB coach.
My moto is every weekend i hope it will be different, every Sunday i decide to go file.
There is so much i am missing but i thought i would at least get a start on it. In short i have made alot of improvements through my MC and DB coach, i cannot live in the same house with someone who cannot decide what they want, who is out at the bar all the time, who finds everything and everyone more important than me, who is not transparent. I cannot detatch unless i am gone.
