Haven't posted in a while so I thought I'd make a little update.
Events? Well, I found out last week that she reactivated her FB account. I didn't think delete her when she went offline in June or whatever. I was concerned about her snooping through my page (FB friends, etc) so I edited my profile to exclude her from seeing non-mutial friends, and a couple of my photo albums.
Next morning I discover she is "gone" from my friends and she changes her Berry status to "Moving On". It stung for a minute and then the complete farce of such a statement made me laugh.
Pure button pushing. Retaliation. So grade 2!
So I'm about as dark as one can get with a co-parenting situation.
Perspective? I've decided to see her like I view my other ex-GF's. I remember the good stuff from those R's but the negatives are pretty faded. Granted the last one was almost 20 years ago and W is pretty fresh. However, it seems to have helped my detachment.
I really have nothing left to say to her or anything to acomplish. The balance of the D proceedings are in her lap. I haven't said it outright but it's been in past convo's. And I've heard nothing about it since the vehicle trade two weeks ago.
I put a 'Wonka-esque' WOA into a text a few days ago and it was ignored (a comment on the boots she bought for D2) Given the FB thing, I'm not shocked.
It is what it is. I'm learniing to view her comments and tactics as continued signs of her dysfunction rather than shots at me. It's a good view as these little games just roll past me. Far less analyzing than I used to make. I just sort of "note it" rather than trying to figure out what she's trying to say. If she has something to say, she should say it. And until she gets to that point, there is nothing for me to respond to.
Thanks everyone.
Live Little Fridays was awesome!! I dare anyone to keep me away from the next one!
It is what it is. I'm learniing to view her comments and tactics as continued signs of her dysfunction rather than shots at me. It's a good view as these little games just roll past me. Far less analyzing than I used to make. I just sort of "note it" rather than trying to figure out what she's trying to say. If she has something to say, she should say it. And until she gets to that point, there is nothing for me to respond to.
Amen.
Just remember when you are stuck in communication with her to just focus all your energy into looking like the best CD ever, that "you in a good light" and detaching from the dysfunction will go noticed.
They technically trained us to be their minions (lol). When she finally realizes that her communication/missles/shots/dysfunctional actions don't work on you anymore, she will find a new way to break through. That is when the CD I know, will shine.
I struggled last week with the situation and my mindset. I also had the death of a friend/co-worker to deal with so there was no time to be still and breathe. It was awful.
I spoke with a non-DB'er friend of mine. He has learned what we strive for simply by talking with me (perhaps I should call him "Hutch")
And it just sort of gelled on me in the last 48 hours.
Next morning I discover she is "gone" from my friends and she changes her Berry status to "Moving On". It stung for a minute and then the complete farce of such a statement made me laugh.
Pure button pushing. Retaliation. So grade 2!
Not being of the Blackberry genre I find the whole "status" thing amusing.
You are not supposed to be mind-reading her......sooooo, I will do it for you, LOL.
Status "Moving On", this does make me laugh, this is totally directed at you. As if shacking up with goober is not enough to communicate she is "Moving On" just in case anyone in her BB contacts was unsure what her actions might represent. LMAO.
And since we "know" this is in fact directed at you.....again as if she had taken some sort of step towards you and you did not fall all over her she is now letting you know, that in fact, she is "Moving On".....What is it that Brooklyn says.....you couldn't make this chit up if you tried.
Here is what I do find interesting.....(this is mindreading BTW), She is telling everyone and you CD that she is "moving on". I think this shows that she is now taking a "look back" at you CD. She got a little pissed when you didn't fall for it. Keep it up!!
She is still following script here. I would fully expect her to pick a fight next over your Daughter. Do not engage.....just give her the "Im sorry you feel that way" when she starts to spew, it is coming, (I know, I read ahead in the script).
Time to put the best CD on display, but do it for YOU.
She is looking hard at everything you do or say. No room for bullchit here, time for the real deal, changes are for you....hey how is quiting the cancer sticks going????
Originally Posted By: CD Bear
Live Little Fridays was awesome!! I dare anyone to keep me away from the next one!
Late April is what Im thinking.
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
The first thing I thought when I read the BB status was, "Is she trying to convince herself or what?!" Someone who is truly moving on doesn't feel the need to post statuses as to that fact.
HOWEVER....the greatest hits CD is still for you, as you know, and you're doing great! I know you have been an inspiration for me as so many here have. I like your detailed lists though. Being a person that needs to be more organized, I get a lot out of those - ideas for myself.
So sorry to hear about your friend. I know how tragic that is and I'm truly sorry you have to experience that right now with everything else.
Hi everyone! Good to know my friends still check upon my thresd since I've been relatively dark here for a while.
Missher- Thanks for the alternate perspective and the potential view of the road ahead. I haven't read much into the stages of crisis and, quite frankly, don't want to as I would probably take up mind-reading and over analysis again. I'll post what occurs here so I can get whatever feedback you offer. I have a feeling this will be HER attempt at going dark. Can't say why but it just feels like 'something' is afoot.
I find the Status comment interesting given it was about 3 months ago that she actually put "Yes, I am getting divorced' as her status. I kept all of these little tidbits of dysfunction. I stoppped about a months ago.
Sunny- Thanks for the compliment and the re-focus on the Greatest Hits. In keeping with the analogy, so far I have the track list and a concept of the album cover art but NOW I have to record all the tracks. I need to be wary of the musician downfall of needing it to be "perfect" in the studio. Perhaps, this will be a LIVE album? Leave some of the raw edges and imperfections in as it preserves the naturalness and energy of the performance. (Hey, I LIKE this analogy!!)
And I also liked you comment about 'who is she trying to convince?' I think that's appropriate, too.
Gritter- Not sure I like the hurricane idea. I like the calm of the eye but it also tells me I'm gonna have "the other side of the storm" to go through. I was hoping this was more of a prairie storm where you get it and then it's over.
I also thought it might be aimed at Goober but the defriending was simultaneous and she's been remarkably quiet all week. Not a text or status all week. Perhaps she is going to give me a taste of my own 'dark' medicine? I am going to enjoy the peace and quiet. I need some.
I was talking to my/our honorary DB friend (I'll call Hutch). He suggested that my difficulty sleeping (can't get to sleep and having a REAL problem waking up) is that I am FINALLY depressurizing and this is my emotional/mental crash after all these months of "the edge". I think he's right.
Anyone else have one of these delayed burn outs?
As always, all comments, advice and lumber is appreciated.
Good to know my friends still check upon my thresd since I've been relatively dark here for a while.
It's that damn notification feature ... can't help it
Originally Posted By: Seedy Bare
(Hey, I LIKE this analogy!!)
Me too! And you are rolling with it ... I like the idea of a LIVE album too ...
Originally Posted By: Seedy Bare
I was talking to my/our honorary DB friend (I'll call Hutch). He suggested that my difficulty sleeping (can't get to sleep and having a REAL problem waking up) is that I am FINALLY depressurizing and this is my emotional/mental crash after all these months of "the edge". I think he's right.
Mentally and emotionally exhausted after the last little while ... geez, how'd he figure that one out? LOL ... sounds like a safe bet to me, and yep, I've had a couple of spells like that ... I remember someone giving me the same advice I got after my children were born ... sleep when you can ...
You sound good buddy! Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
