When you love him enougth to give him what he wants.
When you realise that your sitch isn't permanent.
When you start really taking care of yourself.
When you can look in the mirror and tell yourself, "I can handle it."
When you realise that you are complete and wonderful just by yourself.
It takes some time to grieve, you are normal. Deal with it in healthy ways.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Would you say you were changed for the better? I ask because my W, who was extremely addicted to her affair and OM, also says it changed her, for the better, and because of that, she can't think of it as a bad thing. It's probably the one giant barrier we have to reconciliation. I can't return to her with her clinging to the belief that her affair was a good thing.
Would you say you were changed for the better? I ask because my W, who was extremely addicted to her affair and OM, also says it changed her, for the better, and because of that, she can't think of it as a bad thing. It's probably the one giant barrier we have to reconciliation. I can't return to her with her clinging to the belief that her affair was a good thing.
No, my addiction did NOT change me for the better. It ruined my marriage and turned my world upside down. Being busted by my husband did change me for the better, because it's snapped me back into reality. Maybe I'm a rare case. Sorry about your wife FU (lol, that's kinda funny). I hope some day she turns around.
It does feel good when Internet strangers accept you, doesnt it, SoA?
And even more so when loved ones/friends accept you with compassion, doesn't it SoA? I remember my W's aunts, brothers, and even father rejecting what I had done, but accepting me and realizing that my bad acts did not define me. They don't define you either, SoA. Rather, how you learn from and cleanse yourself from them does.
And perhaps you feel even better when you get signs from Above of acceptance and forgiveness.
What feels BEST is when you accept yourself...
Re: the wanting your spouse to come home, for me, not only the strength, but also the nature of that changes (yearning, craving, preference, would be nice if, bah I don't want him/her back the way he/she is). It's also not linear (sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker or almost gone). I can tell you that the more you work on and focus on yourself, the less you will feel it as an urgent, painful need. And it also will be a healthier process for you whether he does or doesn't come home.
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
I need to take control of my life. So far I feel like I've been doing good to get out of bed in the morning and go to work, praying and studying God's word and going to church. I need to do more. I need to exercise, write all my ugly thoughts in a journal. I wake up with panic attacks from the guilt of what I've done. Not sure how to forgive myself. Sorry, I know I sound like a broken record. I'm saying/thinking the same things all the time.
Well it sounds like you are on the right path busying yourself w/ things you enjoy. Journalling is a great ide anad will help get those thoughts out on paper. Have you been shopping for a new IC?
Sorry you find yoursel feeling so down, SOA. Again, I think the extreme guilt you feel is a good thing, even if it hurts you immensely.
Put a call into new IC on Friday afternoon. Maybe I'll get a call back today.
I kept busy this weekend. Went to see live music with my friend on Friday night. Saturday I went out to lunch with friends, and made plans for Saturday night but was too depressed to go anywhere or do anything so I took a 4 hour nap, and then had a drink or 2 when I woke up, and pretty much went back to bed shortly after that. Last night I went to lunch with a friend and to the beach with friends for sunset. Last night I felt miserable and depressed and my friend offered me a drink (or 3) but I refused because I know that even though it temporarily takes the edge off, over the long term it makes me feel no better at all, and I don't need to use alcohol as a coping mechanism.
