Do What Works

[TimeHeals]

I was thinking about why "letting them go" sometimes works in cases of EAs and PAs if it is done quickly:

The new person is exciting and new, but... are they up for the commitment. This is where "cake eating" comes from. Your spouse knows you are reliable (hopefully), but the new person may not be up for the commitment.

By letting go you actually remove the safety net, and now they sometimes press the new person for commitment, safety and all the stuff you provided.

The new person might be overwhelmed by this neediness. Are they ready for a spouse and possibly children, etc? The affair enters the real world, and you are not the only dysfunction in your marriage: your spouse is dysfunctional too, and their neediness--once you remove the safety net--will come shining through.