What got my H's attention was seeing the changes in me. Seeing me WANT him....when previously I had not shown that....and generally showing a softer, more thoughtful side of myself. My H could see that I was trying to change; I was going to CBT on a regular basis and that was helping me change the way I viewed things and how I dealt with things. He saw me revert to the person I was more like when we first met.
None of those things did I do for my H specifically,. I just knew things weren't right between us and that the problems lay mainly with me......in my head. I wanted to be a healthy, 'whole', functioning individual. Seeing me fight for that drew my H back in to our R.
Don't play games to get your H's attention....I think that will backfire. Concentrate on you. Right at the outset of this process I remember you posting about the way you had been with your H and that you could see where things had gone wrong. Look back at that - remind yourself of what needs fixing. OW is a symptom of your M not having been in a good place for whatever reason; she is not the cause of the breakdown. I know that is hard to believe sometimes but I honestly think that is true. In my sitch OW would never have got a look in if everything in the M had been ok. OW tend to be trade downs.......someone who normally wouldn't get a look in with your S - they just happen to be there at the right time with a shoulder to cry on an admiration in their faces - they can't believe their luck- in reality, most of them turn out to be nothing eventually.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
