While she is in her WAW state of mind, you cannot depend on her. You were expecting the old wife & mother to show up b/c this was a holiday. See you mistake? Even though she said she would take the kids out......always have a back-up plan for the kids. Not for her sake, but for the kids.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well I dont seem to see the chance of reconciliation anymore. My wife poured her heart out to me, said she didnt love the OM, yet she chooses to spend time with him over her kids. I just dont see it any longer.
I have realized she just says what she thinks everyone wants to hear from her. She chose to be with the OM instead of her kids. Even after she promised her kids to spend the evening with them.
My hopes of ever getting this marriage back together are getting further and further out of reach. I dont know how to explain it but each day that goes by, i am starting to care less.
I do however want to umload on her for not calling the kids or responding to them when they tried to get ahold of her. I know I cant but she is just being stupid. She was the best mom, her kids came first in everything she did. Now its like they are second rate citizens.
I know everyone on here says the affair will end, but when. She is the mother of 4, she has no family support, and yet she still carries on the affair with someone she doesnt love and with someone who she doesnt even talk about their relationship with. I just dont get it. How do you live with someone and sleep with someone and take it day by day?
I have another thought that i need some advise with. When i last saw my wife, after I gave her the divorce paperwork, we shared a hug. She said I could have a hug any time I wanted one!
Just a random thought that came into my head. If she says i can hug her anytime i want, what do I do? Is that her way of saying she wants some attention from me?
Ok, so i get a text from her brother asking what is going on? I told him I dont know. i havent talked with his sister since last thursday. He says she called him and feels she has no where to go, now that I am pushing the divorce she feels i am done with her etc.
Help me here people.
She doesnt understand that I wont do anything as long as she is with the OM. She says if he wasnt in the picture she would be more receptive to me. She wants to come home but she is afraid. I need help. She has turned away from her family and her friends. Her social group involves friends with OM.
She doesnt understand that I wont do anything as long as she is with the OM. She says if he wasnt in the picture she would be more receptive to me. She wants to come home but she is afraid. I need help. She has turned away from her family and her friends. Her social group involves friends with OM.
It's an old WAW trick. She goes to brother and tries to make you sound like the bad guy. She's "afraid"? Oh please! That is pure b.s.
Yeah, I agree that she would be more "receptive" to you if OM wasn't in the picture.....but he is, isn't he? She wants her cake!
Don't accept this. Don't allow the pressure to be put on you. She screwed up! She has a choice to make. You won't live in an open M. Right?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, your right! i wont live in an open marriage. I know my wife, and I think she was telling the truth when she said she wanted to come home. She was afraid that things would be the same. she also never likes to swallow her pride and admit when she has done something wrong. Thats why its so hard for me to get this i guess. She isnt trying to make me sound like the bad guy to her brother, she was just talking to him. She cant make me look bad to anyone other than her new friends with OM. The entire family is with me, our friends are with me, she cut everyone out of her life and she is slowly trying to get them back in contact with her.
I think she want to go home. She misses her home. That's just natural. However, I don't think she misses the M. Quite a difference for a woman.
That is where you need to hold the boundary tight and do not allow her back in the house until she's ready and more than willing to be a W in every sense of the word. As long as OM is in her mind, she won't want to be committed to you.
It's important to keep the two differences in mind and don't let her sweet talk you into moving back home and "then" working on the R. That's a trap.
There will be more than plenty to work through after R,but things need to be done properly and in order. First step....getting rid of OM and being transparent. If she balks about transparency, she's not rid of OM (emotionally).
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
thanks Sandi, I will let you know she came to our oldests sons volleyball game last night. Afterwards she asked if she could have an hour of my time when she drops the kids off at home.
Well we talked for that hour, just about life in general. We laughed and had a good time. At the end though it got serious and on to the marriage. I told her that I just cant talk about the marriage and us until she and the OM are finished. I asked her if her want to come home was for just the kids? She said no, it was for her and me, the kids are an added bonus.
This is where she gets weird, she says that its not what i think. They never talk about a relationship between them, she does whatever she wants. She says she has her own room, and she has no where else to go especially now that she is jobless. She wanted me to know that she doesnt want the divorce, and she understands how i feel and she is doing everything she can to show me that thisis what she wants. She had a job interview on monday, (i get the impression OM's dad arranged it for her) and she has a place lined up on a month to month basis as she wants to spend time with me. Not with me and the kids, but with me.
Sounded very positive to me, and to be honest she wanted a hug and i gave it to her and she kissed me. I have to say I did kiss back but cut it short. I looked her in her eyes and said, we fell in love at 15, again at 22, why not again at 33? I wont allow it to go any further as long as you have anything to do with OM. She said she loved me, hugged me again and whispered in my ear that she hears me and my comments arent wasted.
