Wow what a week. Last Friday morning H announces he is coming home. When pressed for information he tells me he will let me know this evening. I freaked. LOL most likely not the reaction I would have thought but this is the second time he has announced this and I knew he wasn't ready. He didn't know I freaked. But my firends did. Anyway I didn't contact him all day and he phoned that afternoon. He didn't say anything but I turned to my friend and said he isn't coming. She said why what did he say? Nothing I just knew. So he was he came to look after the girls while I went to work, he did stay the night. But I had a chat with him. It turns out OW has some major trust issues with him around me, also when he moved in to where they are he told her straight up that once the lease was up he was moving closer to the girls (he is almost an hour away) and now she is not wanting to, the final thing is that she wants him to sell the house so they can get one. He was furious on all counts (even though the mistrust thing was spot on). "I asked him NOT to use me as an ultimatum against OW. He says I didn't. I say if you threaten to come home to me becasue she is not doing what you want then you are . He agreed with that. He did say I meant it at the time. I said I know, but I have to protect the girls because if you come home and leave in a week they will be devastated. He said He wouldn't do that. I know he means it but at present I don't believe it. He is too confused to know what he wants really. I didn't argue though no point. He looked so down and I knew H was truly present so I spoke to him. Told him I'm not angry. And I wasn't. Spoke to him about when I was depressed and how i felt and how I know how he feels. Gave specifcs like I know you don't feel like you, you are in a fog and can't even begin to care. I know you don't trust me, know you feel s so alone. And much more. Not accusatory just stating facts and he nodded. I also told him that as much as I wish I could fix him that I can't and this is the loneliest and hardest thing he was ever going to do and that no matter where it led that first and foremost I'm his friend and I'm in his corner. that I'm outside the fog and can see him even when he can't see me. Just to know that I am there. He replied that he knows I am there and that he is grateful and that he really does love me. I told him I loved him too. I honestly thought he would withdraw from me. He has done this previously. The following week was lovely. H was present not alien. He spent lots of time here, chatty and happy. he has been doing things around the house, buying me small items, training the dogs, dealing with the animals and kids. I am taking the extra shifts at work. May as well money is handy. On friday he went with OW and her 2 kids to a theme park. That evening as he was picking up the girls he was still ok with me but he was withdrawn. saturday he came and spent the day but still withdrawn, not mean or unhappy just quiet. even the neighbours noticed he was quiet as he had bee whistling the previous week. This visit to the theme park was the first event where our kids didn't go where they would have loved to have gone. So they think he is thinking about that fact. He also turned up Sunday for a couple of hours. (remember he lives an hour away). he pottered with his car, helped the kids get ready for halloween had his photo taken wit them and then once they left sat and watched tv with me. twice now he has phoned me once he has left. Last Sunday it was because he wanted me to see the lightning storm that was going on and yesterday too let me know something funny had happened. I did text him 'hi' this morning and he asked about the girls and what I was doing, he then phoned. I usd to text him in the afternoon just have a nice night, but I stopped that almost 6 weeks ago. I also realised I was still trying to control him and his relationship with the girls by sggesting D13 phone or text him things that happen like our halloween pumpkin being stolen (our very first one!! that H had carved LOL) but I quickly added if you want. It was kind of sad when she said she wouldn't but i is her choice. Anyway he is here tomorrow. And I think from next week H is now staying 3 nights in a row here cos of my new work shifts. I am sure that will soothe OW's fears. Anyway hope everyone is going well.
