IMHO and it is only an opinion, your H will finish his crisis. I can not say when that will be as most men can take between 2-7 years to finish. So what SA has written to you is correct. Only you can really decide. None of us know how long this will take or how many twists and turns it will make.
Right now you are lucky he is 5000 miles away. When does he come home?
Your R is not going to change while he is away. I assume when he comes home he will be thrilled to see you. Assuming you still want him. After that it is hard to say. Then the really HARD work will start.
You have been on a hard journey so far. You have overcome some of your own demons, I am sure you still have more work to do. So will your husband.
I would not pressure him now but when he comes home you will want to know if he is going to be faithful to you. You will want some transparency in that.
I am sure there are some other boundaries that you will need. None of us can predict the future. So when he is here we will see what happens.
Lance thank you and SA. Sometimes I get so depressed about my situation that I am not sure if I should just move on with my life or continue to wait out his crisis to see if things could change. I am still working with my IC to work through those 'demons' you mentioned. Yes, if he were to come back, I would want and would need to know that he would be faithful to me and our mariage. Right now, he is still confused I know.
But one thing, he asked me today to visit him in Norway next weekend. He says he is not sure if it is the right thing, but he loves me and misses me. Not sure what to do. He is going to call me later today for my answer. I am concerned that if I say no, he may see that as a flip off. Or if I do go, that I could further be sucked into his drama and who wants to take a long flight back to the states in misery.
Oh, what to do....I have to think.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Your still depressed because you are still holding ON. Let go of him. That does not mean go file. No it means let his as* go.
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I am not sure if I should just move on with my life
I think you know the answer to this question. Move on with your life Destiny. IMO, that means establishing new friendships, engaging in new activities. ALL of this takes time. A lot of time. I believe that you are operating from a place of fear. Do I do this - do i do that! Fuc* it Destiny, do what YOU want to do. Stop worrying about what he is going to think.
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to wait out his crisis to see if things could change
Your still at that place where you "feel" that YOUR actions will dictate HIS. Waiting does NOT mean you stop living. Waiting does not mean that you do not develop closer friendships with people. Go out, do some activities with the church, go to dinner with friends, go work out, STOP sitting STILL.
IMO, you are sitting and waiting. Waiting for him to change his mind. Fu*k him right now. Really. Do whatever you want to do - be yourself. Live life...
In terms of Norway...
IMO, what do you have to lose? Are you worried that you may lose him? That already happened. He is gone. So what is stopping you from going to Norway? I think I know the answer - FEAR.
The funny thing is IMO it is NOT him that you are afraid of.
What I think your afraid of is taking that step of really living your life.
Your afraid of the changes that YOU must make to become the women that you want to be.
These changes are hard Destiny. They really are.
Sometimes thought ya really have to say f' it.
You know this...BUT your still afraid.
It's comfortable to sit in that place of fear isn't it. I know it was for me. Step out Destiny and face those fears. What you are going find will amaze you.
Are you afraid that your life style will change? F*ck it, it gonna change. It has to change.
Are you afraid that you will not be able to take care of yourself. You know you will be able to do it.
Are you afraid that you will fall out of love with him? Hey maybe you will (i'm being honest here) but you can also fall back in love with him.
Stop being afraid Destiny.
Stop it.
Your better than that. Fu*k what your family says. Do for you.
Fu*k what your job says.
Destiny....life is so short. Please go live it.
As for your H....maybe he will realize what he had and come running back.. Guess what, then it is YOUR call YOUR choice.
Stop being on the defensive and spend some time on the offensive side for a bit.
You really can do "this" (with this being whatever you decide it is) BUT first you need to stop being afraid.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Hi DU - About your Norway dilemma....I can only offer you what I would do. It may not be the right thing in the eyes of many here, but I think that I would go.
I would get a separate room, spend time with him, listen to him, no commitments......At least you would come back with a better picture of where he is on his journey....or maybe not....
I guess the main thing is to consider is YOU....if you do go will it be better for YOU or will it make you upset and unbalanced. Are you strong enough to handle whatever you may learn from that trip?
If you go don't do it for him, do it for you.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Lance - Thank you, you are right. Eric, leave it to you to "slap" me back into reality and the need to release my fear. Mila, so you know, I agree with you.
Well fellow DBing friends, I did travel to Norway to visit my H. It was a good trip in that we talked a lot and spent time together. We spent most of days walking the village holding hands. He continues to say that he loves me and wants to come home when his tour is up. We have agreed to keep talking. One thing, he seemed almost proud to introduce me as his wife to his fellow soldiers/sailors. BTW, Norway is a great, but it was definitely COLD!!!
I am trying to keep my expectations low if not to zero. We'll see what happens. Well, I have to go prepare for my mother and sister's visit tomorrow. I hope you are all doing well.
HUGS!!!!
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Hi everyone. I spoke to a very good friend and he indicated that I should post. I have been a little hesitant because I have not wanted to jinxewhat has been going on in my life. But I know that with ALL of the support and kinds words, thoughts, and feeling that have been passed on to me, I MUST pay it forward.
I will most likely begin a thread in piercing soon to begin to understand the feeling I have in my head about moving forward with my H.
We are talking EVERYDAY about a lot of things. I took the advice of all of you, especially you Lance: I have followed my H's lead. I gave him time, I gave him peace, I gave him something to miss and value. While doing this (even though I questioned myself most days), I got to know ME. And let me tell you, that journey will continue.
Right now, we are in a good place. We still have words to speak, miles to experience and a lifetime to think about. We are taking it one step at a time. I listened to a song that has become a theme song of my life over this last year. It talks about why we go through what we go through and regardless of the outsome, we are loved. If eel happy about me (not what is going with my H) and I value the chance we have as a couple.
He speaks about "our future" - this sounded so foreign to me initially since he was so adamant about the D word. I am keeping expectations low. But his words are backed by actions. I still "have miles to go before I sleep......"
Everyone, please have a good night.....
(((HUGS))) Destiny
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
