So, I decide to call W tonight just to talk and see how her and D3 are doing and how trick or treating is going. I talk to D3 for a little and then talk w/ W. She seemed agitated so I asked her why she seems so angry. She said b/c she always feels she has to defend herself. I told her she doesn't have to defend herself and that this is just her choice - tried to alleviate any bad feeling for her. But I'm thinking to myself - 'defend yourself? What/who are you defending yourself from? Trying to justify your decision - to me, to others? Feeling guilty b/c everyone but you sees that I'm actually the nice guy, caring for you and D3, paying the bills, good father, and devoted husband? That I'm wanting to save family and you keep pushing away - trying to find/create reasons why you left?' Found out some of her own family members (divorce posse) even aren't understanding why she left. So, I ended the conversation just by saying "Ok, well y'all have fun. Kiss and hug D3 for me."
Don't get me wrong - I love my family and want reconciliation more than anything - but at the same time, I am getting some satisfaction that others are questioning her decision and she obviously has some guilt. Is that wrong? Of course, I get the blame for her feeling guilty - she feels guilty b/c I'm being so nice. Yet, if I'm mean or angry with her it justifies her. So, if I'm nice, I get blamed - if I'm mean, I'll get blamed. Yea, I think I'll just continue to do the right things and if she feels guilty, thats something she needs to deal with.
