putting my big girl panties on

[idontunderstand]

Is there a woman alive who doesn't LOVE attention?

Is there a person alive that doesn't love it?

That was part of my problem with my W. Things got stale and the time it took to raise a family became more important than the two of us spending time together and appreciating one another. Boring. Same old story.

Enjoy the attention, I'm not telling you not to. Just tread gently, KWIM?

You are a great person and I know you will make the correct choices for you. Most of all, have fun!!

I remember that you're an accomplished musician . SO cool.

It is cool and it is fun. On Monday night, I had all four kids in my our bedroom playing guitars and singing Johnny Cash songs. W walked in and asked what we were doing. S4 walked in the other room and came back a few minutes later with my bass guitar that is bigger than her is. He sat down on the floor and told mom that "Dad is going to teach me how to play, too." She said that's nice and left and the rest of us stayed in there playing around until bed time. I love it.

[ArnieBGood]

How about song titles? Like

How Can I Miss You When You Won't Go Away?

If I Can’t Be Number One in Your Life, then Number Two on You

If I Had Shot You When I Wanted to, I’d Be Out by Now

I Liked You Better before I Knew You So Well

I Gave Her the Ring but She Gave Me the Finger

I Still Miss You (But My Aim is Gettin Better)

I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Just Like Havin You Here

[avermont]

The song title thing is just too funny.

Especially: If I had shot you when I wanted to, I'd be out by now.

Flowmom, been following along, checking in.

I understand the allure of attention. I know that's what got to my X. ALL that full on ATTENTION from Her.

It sounds like things are moving fast--I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but interestingly-to me it feels really SCARY! But I'm the one with the commitment issues, right?

FB is such a strange, f**ed up world, IMHO. Links upon links; perhaps perfectly innocent posts that an outsider (Flowmom) reading can easily misinterpret. And then spend emotional energy worrying and wondering.

Of course I'm jealous that you have had not one, but two men come a'courting Good for you!

I just want it all to be good and OK and joyful for you. Not time spent on FB and then worrying.

I guess the thing I hope to have learned in this process is to ask. Ask about what you are nervous about. Say what you are thinking and feeling.

Not that I can do it! But that's what I'm in therapy for.

You have fun, Flowmom. Take good care of your heart.

[ArnieBGood]

He is full steam ahead and I vaccillate between catching up with him and holding back.

You have no idea why there are these large swings.

I do get attached easily...it's my nature, not just where I'm at right now. I make up my mind about people quickly and when I like someone it takes a lot to change my mind.

This has worked well for you in the past, and you feel you will do well by it with this relationship.

PS: guys are always welcome on my thread, as are musical topics

Hope the song title thing was "musical" enuff for ya...

[flowmom]

Aver!!!

It sounds like things are moving fast--I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but interestingly-to me it feels really SCARY! But I'm the one with the commitment issues, right?

I don't think there's much in the way of commitment involved at this point except for being exclusive. Which is fine because I find juggling men tiresome. But it is a bit scary to move things from playing it cool to seeing my lover making himself vulnerable, and facing the choice of whether to allow myself to do that too.

FB is such a strange, f**ed up world, IMHO. Links upon links; perhaps perfectly innocent posts that an outsider (Flowmom) reading can easily misinterpret. And then spend emotional energy worrying and wondering.

Yes, but that's not really about FB, it's about facing that I have choices to make regarding trust, communication, etc. with Guitarist right now. It was reassuring to get a steamy text from him today :), but that doesn't change that things are on the cusp of shifting between us.

Of course I'm jealous that you have had not one, but two men come a'courting Good for you!

I am very lucky . But it wasn't exactly accidental...I did put myself out there on a dating site and that's how I met Guitarist. I think the other guy just picked up on my "out there" vibes when we met through my neighbours.

That was part of my problem with my W. Things got stale and the time it took to raise a family became more important than the two of us spending time together and appreciating one another. Boring. Same old story.

You don't have to tell me THAT story

On Monday night, I had all four kids in my our bedroom playing guitars and singing Johnny Cash songs.

Love it IDU. Your children will treasure those memories forever.

ABG, I pick "I Liked You Better before I Knew You So Well"

He is full steam ahead and I vaccillate between catching up with him and holding back.

You have no idea why there are these large swings.

The part of me that lives in the moment is right there with him. The part of me that holds back is more fear-based of course...wanting to control outcomes by protecting myself, etc. The devastation of recent heartbreak still casts a shadow. What I want is to be fully open to life. Because worse than the heartbreak was losing myself in my marriage, not being fully myself.

I do get attached easily...it's my nature, not just where I'm at right now. I make up my mind about people quickly and when I like someone it takes a lot to change my mind.

This has worked well for you in the past, and you feel you will do well by it with this relationship.

Yes, I see where you're going with this. I think it *does* work well for me to be fully myself...and that includes being a passionate person (not just in romantic relationships). If I have a regret it's not the times that I've fully embraced relationships, friendships, interests. My regrets come from not changing things up when things stop working. IME artificially putting the brakes on things early in a relationship doesn't change the choices that I make. I think the danger is in what kind of "hook" a person is for you. M, the fellow who almost became my beau, was the wrong kind of hook -- a lot in common with stbxh. I think and hope that I would have ended things if he hadn't.

Thanks for helping me revive my thread folks

[newmama]

This has worked well for you in the past, and you feel you will do well by it with this relationship.

What do you mean by this? please explain.

[newmama]

Ok folks define what it looks like to "take it slow" I double dog dare you! one date per week? one phone call every other night? Date 2 people at once? (NO WAY AM I GOING TO DO THAT AGAIN! sorry- just threw that in there)

[ArnieBGood]

The part of me that holds back is more fear-based of course...wanting to control outcomes by protecting myself, etc. The devastation of recent heartbreak still casts a shadow. What I want is to be fully open to life. Because worse than the heartbreak was losing myself in my marriage, not being fully myself.

So what you are seeking is to become more fearless in the face of the possibility of heartbreak, and to find ways of being more open to what is unfolding than you have been. Maybe you have some thoughts on what happened in the marriage that caused this to not be the case.

If I have a regret it's not the times that I've fully embraced relationships, friendships, interests. My regrets come from not changing things up when things stop working.

So you are finding ways to both be the passionate and open woman you want and also not getting overly attached to circumstances that are not desirable.

[newmama]

FM I can't wait to hear about your Halloween Party! Great costumes!

[flowmom]

FM I can't wait to hear about your Halloween Party! Great costumes!

It was a fun night. I went out with Guitarist and Smart Sister. We were going to go to a great hotel opening party, but the lineups were too long. So we walked around on a funky street and stopped into a few bars. The partying was lame, but it was GREAT to see Guitarist, and he and Smart Sister really hit off too. She has a crazy, attention-seeking performer side. But he somehow "got her" and they connected.

Then last night my kids had a long stretch of time with STBXH. I stayed over at Guitarist's place...until this afternoon. Sometimes I want to pinch myself when I'm with him. He is so warm, generous, affectionate, and appreciative. He is definitely my boyfriend and I feel confident about his honesty and intentions.