One of my biggest struggles is the fact that 3 years ago when I busted H with a second cell phone we entered into some intensive counseling. And I had to take a lot of responsibility for my contributions to the problems in the M. I know that I made changes - seriously good, difficult changes. Changes my kids saw - changes that I felt good about. But he hadn't - he lied through counseling and continued to engage in the sexual addiction. So today when I think about what I would do differently - I would continue doing what I have been doing over the last 3 years.
I must spend more time (guilt-free) on myself - my health, my happiness, my relationships, etc.
I listen to all of the people on the board - many who have contact with their H's and who seem to have still some connection / my h wants NOTHING to do with me. Yes, I went dark and have stayed dark since July 30th. But there is NO indication that he misses me or anything about what we had. He presents in such a cocky, confident manner (according to kids and friends) - I know I sound whiny and I don't want 2x4s - because I am really working to not be stuck by all of this - I really just want someone to understand. I'm not looking for pity - nor sympathy - maybe I just want validation that I'm headed in the right direction.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
