feelings as OW seems to be on way out

[forward]

And...New Guy continues to surprise me in good ways.....

[forward]

Evidently OW has put in a magical appearance and then disappeared. So I am happy that she wasn't around for long. I am always glad when she is not around, as I do not have to be concerned about her influence on D.

X is about to be alone now for some time. He even said he wanted me to hang out w/D and him, as he is still recovering and might need help w/D, but...I see that as uncmofortable and not something I will be doing. He can call me if he needs help.

[forward]

X is now alone most of the time, from what I can tell. He looks frail and tired but seems to still have energy to complain.

I was in his apartment and felt rather sad at seeing bits and pieces of his personality all about. I remembered how I loved that person and it did hurt. It was messy (not the way he generally has been in the past) and he looks deflated. I think he just watches television these days.

[forward]

Well, I have been kind to X and brought him sandwiches and such. He is actually going to come see D in her costume. I think he is lonely and depressed as well as ill now.

I do not feel the urge to solve his problems. I do feel sorry for him.

But love is not pity.

[forward]

I let X have supper w/us. He talked w/me a little bit and I realized that he gets on my nerves. Still.

And I feel somewhat taken advantage of again. I feel as if I have to do a thousand favors for him before he'll do one for me. Yes, he has been ill, but I think he could drag that out for months or years instead of doing what he can to help me out w/D.


I am thinking that if this serious health incident didn't cause him to rethink how he has treated me, or how he sees me, nothing ever will.

[job]

forward,
It's very nice that you've been providing support and meals to your xh, however, it's time now to regroup. He's apparently able to get around if he's able to have dinner w/you and your d.

Unfortunately your xh is taking advantage of your good nature and why wouldn't he? He knows that you'll be there for him while he's recovering and trust me.....he'll play the recovery card for a while, just to have you doing for him. So, "mom", cut the cord and put away the fixings for meals and it's time to allow "son" to do for himself. He sounds like he's quite capable of doing so.

P.S. Your expectations needs to remain at zero. I get the impression that you were/are hoping that he would look at you, the situation, etc. since you've been kind to him and been there for him....ain't happening.

[braveheart]

Snodderly, I couldn't agree more. Forward, you are getting sucked back in, you don't post anything about the new guy anymore, just your XH. I have always had the feeling that you were secretly standing...... I hope you move on before it gets tougher for you.

[forward]

Actually, contact w/X is starting to irritate me.

I am not sorry that I was nice to him. The man did have major, major surgery and is not even past the "typical" recovery point. He looks very bad, has sunken eyes and is very thin. I do cut him some slack. But I'm also going to start asking him to do a little more each time.

New Guy knows what is going on w/ex and I am slowly starting to think more about a future w/New Guy. We have mingled our families a little bit but have needed more alone time to get to know each other. Once you have been fried it is hard to trust another person.....

[forward]

Well, maybe this health crisis did more to mature X than I thought.

I got what I guess I'd regard as an "MLCish" apology. X did admit that he is thinking about things now. The "MLCish" apology means that it was couched in a way where it was like "You still seem angry and I am very ill and I wish you would...uh, well, 'forgiveness' is too strong of a word, but uh, for your own sake I wish you would accept that our marriage failed because there is still some tension."

He did acknowledge that basically all responsibility for D was on me, which was better than he used to do. I explained to him a number of things that I did w/D to help her when he was in the hospital; he seemed a little grateful. (a little)

After that it was coupled with some snapping and usual criticism--really some that was pretty nasty, and some dredging up of past.

I was clear that I wanted things to be collegial and that it is not fair to expect more because I am involved with someone else and am considering his feelings. X claimed he was glad that I was with someone else.

But X still seems to want very badly for me to interact with him in non-collegial way. Although I was nice to him, and sympathetic, and kind in many ways (according to him I am not), I will not open up to him or get into emotional topics.

I am not changing the way that I interact with him; the conversation upset me even as it was. I am glad that I got what is about the closest thing to an MLC apology that I could, but

[forward]

Following my writing of the last post, X called me and apologized for his behavior, blaming the drugs he is on.