At the meeting today I was as cool as a cucumber...poised, calm...I did ask him if he was OK...it was hard not to when he was coming apart right in front of my eyes...but other then that I was as detached as I could be.
I can only imagine how hard it must have been to see his this way. The detachment that you talk about IMO is the peace that you have KNOWING that Mila did everything she could do. The peace that comes with the real acceptance that your H is in a crisis that YOU cannot fix. FWIW, I am soooo proud of YOU Mila.
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The thought of sending him an email after, asking if everything is OK with him has crossed my mind....but only briefly....he is on his own.
As I thought about this I struggled with what to say. I get it. IMO, the Mila walls are up and rightfully so BUT I think a small text or email that says "I hope your ok" would be ok. Right now, the small bit of anger that is left is probably saying..."don't go there" and I can understand. My only comment would be...don't forget to still be the kind, gentle, caring Mila that you are.
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He is definitely going through some kind of meltdown but that still didn't stop him from asking about the progress of the SA that the lawyer is working on...
He is asking about the SA probably because he still think this will make him happy.
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yes after a year and half of misery from H I do crave someone to be nice, attentive and interested in me...yes it's only human...but I'm not ready to cross the line yet...
Mila - I am not one to judge and can sooo relate to the attention thang - i really can. To be honest, I have experienced the same thing. What I want to say is that sometime in our sitch's, things can turn and move quite rapidly. Acknowledge it, realize it, check yourself and then do what YOU feel you want to do. It is your life Mila. FTR, I hope he's handsome - may not be the approriate DB thing to say BUT fu*k it.
Mila, i wish you all the happiness and peace in the world. Lord knows you deserve. You deserve Mila just because you are Mila.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Mila, Enjoy the attention, but be VERY careful; you don't want to rebound!
Stay strong, but date yourself right now. There will be plenty of guys when you are ready. You have to know yourself again and what you want. You have to go and get your heart back before you can give it to anyone else.
It took me 18 months, but it was worth it. I just started to date a guy who's been divorced for 7 years....it's nice.
Remember, until you are healthy being alone again, you can't begin to think about being in a relationship. And, until you resolve everything from your past relationship you are not free to enter into a new relationship.
Wait it out, it will be worth it! Stay strong....
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
Hi Mila! You really sound great and you will know when you're ready. Thinking of you and wishing you a great weekend.
HUGS!!!!
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Thank you CW, Punkin, Eric, Kissak, Golfgirl & DU once again thank you all for your wonderful support and views...it's so comforting to come here ...lately I have been so busy, so I can't spend much time here
Eric, you are right there is certain peace in knowing that I have done everything that I possibly could...now I have "that's it buddy you are on your own" kind of attitude. I observe and comment on what he does, but I have no need to know as before. In the beginning of this ordeal I obsessed about what he did and looked for clues and signs in everything...now...NO.
Eric, I took you advice and showed concern...because that's what I would do for everyone. When I was sending a business email to him I added a line asking if he was OK. He called me right away after he received it, thanking me for being concerned and telling me that he had an anxiety/panic attack that same day and he thought that it was his heart, went to the doctor, had tests done...his heart is OK...but apparently the doctor told him that he can't go on like this...what ever that means...I didn't know what to say, so just told him to take care of himself and asked him if he thought about seeing a therapist again...he said yes.
Next day we were supposed to have B meeting, but he sent me an email saying that "we better not"....I think that he was worried that he would cry again.
Had dinner with my male friend that I've met months ago in a divorce support group, we have kept in touch by email and texts and this was the first time we went out just the two of us. It was very nice we talked and talked...obviously a lot about our MLCrs...he is a nice guy and likes me a lot, but we know that either of us is ready for a relationship...we are just friends.
Golfgirl I agree with you getting into a relationship at this stage would be way to premature.
Yesterday I went to a Halloween party with my GF...I actually dressed-up and it was fun...we finished the evening in a downtown jazz/RB club dancing...really fun...didn't do something like this for years. Can't move today...everything hurts from dancing LOL
Hope everyone is having a nice Halloween BOO
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Are you further than you want to be from whatever's closest to your heart? Physical distance can never reduce the connection between people, ideas or things which truly belong to one another. Emotional or psychological distance is equally irrelevant in the greater scheme of things. There may now be a necessary, temporary division or absence to contend with, but it's part of a process that can only bring a deeper and more rewarding relationship. There's something right, even about what's seemingly wrong now.
....interesting
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Part of me would like to suggest that you go back and read your old threads BUT that may just depress you so don't. I can tell you from the outside looking in that it appears that Mila's "got her groove" back. That is great sweetie.
Life is short...keep enjoying it.
Your H will need to deal with all of this at some point. Now Mila - is YOUR time. YOU DECIDE what happens next. It is all you!
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
So good to see that you are living YOUR life and enjoying it!!!
Sounds like the night on the town was fun.
Once you reach this place, it is so much easier to show that concern Eric was talking about. It almost feels as though you are reversing roles with your H.
You are the one living life and having a great time.
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
- may not be the approriate DB thing to say BUT fu*k it. 