XH is marrying OW after only 5 months of D!!

[figgeroni]

make sure that you are not responding to any of the texts that they are sending you

if you are responding in like to what they are saying
then
there will not be any kind of recourse you can take

it will be like a tit for tat sort of thing

I agree with kml...
you honestly shouldn't be questioning the boys during their conversations.

Cori's daughter has to hide the things I give her because her mom will throw them away...how horrible is that

she says I am not her mom so I shouldn't be able to talk to her or call the school etc
but
I have been raising her for 2 years

(that AND I am not a psycho like your exs new gf)

but

keep in mind that it would be easier on your kids if they liked her and didn't feel like they were being disloyal by liking her.

[lea74]

I havent responded and dont intend to respond to the texts. I never have, I know that I did I wouldnt have a leg to stand on and also dont intend on stooping to their level.

As for questioning my sons, I am going to disagree with you on this one. I am their mother and they are only 8 & 10 and I have every right to know who they are talking to. I actually overheard the coversation as they had put it on speaker phone - the first time they have ever done this. I dont have an issue with my sons liking her, in fact I have told them before that they have to respect her (even though she is a nutter). She has nothing to do with raising them, that I do on my own 24/7.

The reason I was upset, is that this woman has been invading my home for about 2 years now. She used to text my XH (then H) all the time. Regardless of time, occassion etc. Quite frankly I am not prepared to tolerate it anymore. I have turned a blind eye before and it got me a D, so based on her ways of the past I am not prepared for it to happen again with my sons. Quite frankly they are only 8 and 10 and if it wasnt for the D they wouldnt even have a phone. Why does she need to talk to them on the phone anyway??? The reason for the nightly phone calls is so that my XH - their dad - can continue a relationship with them. If it was a once off occassion that would be fine - but I dont trust her and therefore it cant continue. In addition, why cant XH just be satisfied with chatting to his sons each night, rather than continually forcing her onto them. It is not healthly and it is sending a message to my sons, that marriage is disposable and wives can be replaced.

I know that this may be hard for some to understand and I guess I havent included all the facts so it can be hard to judge. I am taking the high ground here, but not at the expense of my faith and beliefs. It is really important to me that my sons know that A is not acceptable and is sinful

There is no cross-over between our homes. My XH even changes them back into the clothes that my sons left our home in on a friday night. Even if it means chaning them in a service station loo!!!

As for his priorities, my XH has now cancelled his mid week visit as the OW travels alot, (she has a place in switzerland) and as he is un/self employed he often tags along. He therefore doesnt feel he can commit to seeing his sons every other thursday based on the unpredicatbality of her travel schedule. Great stepmom she is going to be!!!

[lea74]

Hey Gabbysmom, thanks for the thoughts. I am off to the police today as they want to interview me reagrding this last incident.

Why do I feel oddly guilty??? It is so annoying, I am the 'victim' here and yet I feel guilty.

I had considered just dropping it - however I need to stand up for myself and set a boundary. As it seems it isnt something I can do on my own but rather with the official powers.

I will let you know it goes.

[pollyanna]

In addition, why cant XH just be satisfied with chatting to his sons each night, rather than continually forcing her onto them. It is not healthly and it is sending a message to my sons, that marriage is disposable and wives can be replaced.

Agree 100% with you.

My kids were all teens when there father left and he tried to force OW on to them. They would not have a bar of it.

They each have said that they were so thankful that they were not younger and having to spend time with there father and OW. They said as they felt sick about OW they could voice it and make choices. They feel tremendously sad for kids who are forced into some sort of relationship with OW and have no voice. Even at a young age they must feel disloyal to you, angry at their father - yet love and miss him amd anger at OW. Yet it cannot be expressed.

My kids have chosen to do what makes them happy. They know they had 3 choices

1. Try to form a relationship with their dad and new woman.
2.Have a relationship with there dad at the exclusion of other woman.
3. no relationship with their dad.

Each has chosen either 2 or 3 and it cahnges from time to time. Nothing set in concrete. XH does not like their decisions but understand he has no choice if he wants to see his kids. His OW in 2 years has never attended a family event of my XHs family or met my kids. When my kids want their father , he does drop everything. And still she stays. Does she love him ? I think not. XH is depressed at this ever distant relationship with kids ( he gets upset ). If I loved someone in this predicament , I would step back and have him work on strengthing bonds and then try a re-introduction.

You do what you feel is right for your kids. Only you can protect them . Their father sounds to focused on his little head to do what is right by his kids.

[ShockedOne]

We I'm on the other side. My XW left and the kids try extra hard for a relationship with her and she doesn't have a lot of time for them. Then they fight with me because my house has rules.

[lea74]

Well it has been an interesting week.
On Monday we had our court hearing to arrange contact. I was rather apprehensive about this as I would be seeing XH again after last week’s texting fiasco. Anyway it actually went well. The judge was very pro me – well pro the proper conduct. He gave XH a real talking to about his behaviour and told him in no uncertain terms that OW is not a parent and that she is not part of the process. In fact XH tried to have contact with OW written into the order and the Judge said absolutely not. He said, ‘Lets just leave OW out of these proceedings as it doesn’t concern her.’
Yeah – Justice certainly did prevail. My XH actually got quite angry with the Judge and started to challenge him on a few of his decisions and this just aggrevated the situation. My XH was really angry and I could see his face getting really red (as it does when he is angry) and he was tapping his pen and smirking the whole time.
The irony of it all is that he called these proceedings and asked for an official contact order rather than an informal arrangement and in the end he has now got less. His phone call contact has been cut, and so has his holiday time. He has been told to be prompt and if he contravenes any of it can be prosecuted.
So sad that it has got to this. Our sons are young so we have some years of co-parenting ahead. It didn’t have be this way, but with the interference of OW we have had no choice.

[lea74]

So Gabbysmom - it is harrassment. I have reported the matter to the police and she will be issued with a first warning harrassment. If she does not adhere to it, OW can then be prosecuted. Unfortunately she hasnt received it as yet. The police have tried to contact her but she has been avoiding her calls and as she lives 45 miles from us they need to do this before driving up to her house.

They are going to try again on Wednesday - wish I was a fly on the wall when she receives it.

Not sure if the warning will make any difference though and she has been warned before.

[Reincarnated]

Did the matter of him calling the police on you, and then the harrassment charges, come before the judge in that last hearing? I am hoping that your ex got the message, too, about what is and what is NOT appropriate.

[lea74]

Hi Donna, only the issue of the texts from her were addressed in court. The case was about contact with the kids, so the Judge didnt want to hear about any other issues. However I had mentioned the texting in the pre-court review and the judge did notice it. He actually asked my XH sarcastically, 'Why and surely all contact should be via XH and nothing from her.' I couldnt mention the harrassment charge as it hadnt been issued as that point and the police didnt want her to know about it before it was issued - it can cause a flight risk.

[lea74]

I am hoping he has got the message. XH collected my sons last night and also needed to get some things that I agreed he could have.

It was the first time in months he has actually been inside our house and we actually talked to each other. OW was there, but stayed by the car and didnt attempt to interact with me. It was dark which probably helped as well.

I actually felt great as he was cordial to me and then mentioend that some things he wanted were missing. Instead of getting defensive as I normally would. I stayed in control and said to let me know via email what he thought was missing and I would get it to him. I totally controlled the situation, was pleasant and even made a lsight joke with him. I could see he didnt feel comfortable but it nice to not have a scene as usual.

I then shouted good bye to my sons and OW said good bye as well and I just ignored her.

I know it may seem so small but it just felt great to be in control and be queen of my castle.

I am hoping that this is the first of the time to come and that calm can now start to prevail. Well I can hope anyway.