Albuquerque living

[Albuquerque]

Thanks for your kind words Eric. They mean a lot. I'm sure I'll continue to stumble along the way and there are no guarantees as to what will happen. But I have seen time and time again that ensuring MY well being is the best thing, not only for me, but for everyone around me. I will continue to keep that in focus.

H has been coming over to the house nearly every day for some reason or another. He's opting to take part in most of the outings that D and I plan. We've continued with kissing and hugging when he comes over (outside of D's vision) but I've stayed true to not taking it any further. H seems to be enjoying the time spent with us but I can also still see a deep-set sadness/confusion/confliction within. He continues to talk "as if" he's coming back. He still says we need to come up with an agreement as to how much money he should be depositing in our joint account. He's been saying that since he left in March. This time though, he added that we needed to figure this out at least for the short term (kind of implying this isn't going to be like this forever). I always say OK and have even gotten all the books ready to go over everything. He just never takes the step to set up a time to do it. He's offhandedly mentioned moving back on several occasions. But more importantly than his words, his actions are most definitely different. He texts, email, IMs, calls me all the time now. He asks ME a lot of questions about how I'M doing. He's much more involved with D and even is being nice to the animals. He's noticing the yard work that I'm doing and even filled the animals water bowl while at the house the other day because it was low. I've been SO tempted to ask (because I'm really curious) as to how he is managing to maintain any semblance of a R with OW when he's NOT there and is spending SO much time with me and D and when he's not here he's texting, emailing etc. I really don't get it. I WON'T ask but I admit I'm curious. Need to work on that I suppose.

I can't really say we're on the road to reconciliation because I don't think that can happen until he drops OW.

You don't THINK so?

Good point PEI. I guess what I meant was that some folks might consider this reconciliation. I KNOW that true reconciliation can NOT happen until OW is out of the picture and BOTH parties have committed to working on the marriage. I guess I consider this his reconciliation stage with himself. He's still finding out who HE really is. Still searching and questioning. And that's OK. I appreciate that so far as I can see, he's being honest with me. It would've been easy for him to say OW was out of the picture so that I would hop back into bed with him. He appears to have enough respect for me and my feelings to NOT do that. I'm continuing to be ever vigilant and skeptical however. Trust but verify is my motto.