I have my own unfinished business from my past...I am pretty sure it has been a factor in my R with H...really...who doesn't have something?
Originally Posted By: newmama
CW I think a lot of us wonder if there is something wrong with us for not being able to "handle an R." But who was the one who couldn't handle it, really...you know? Our spouses.
But it is normal,I have heard, to wonder what is wrong with US. Normal doesn't mean it's right, though.
CW, I agree ... who doesn't have something? IMO, the gift or the silver lining in our sitchs is the opportunity we have to get real with ourselves and take the time to really dig deep and process any of the baggage that we carried into our marriages. A lot of us had been in these relationships since our late teens or early twenties and coasted on autopilot never truly learning adult and mutual communication and relationship skills. The levels of codependance, poor boundaries, lack of skills ... are all things we can change.
Newmama, I'm not saying we are to blame for our sitchs, but we are certainly partially responsible for the dynamic which existed in our marriages. No one is perfect, so although our S's ran, we are not without faults. In the early days we take on far too much responsibility for what led to the bomb. Agreed. But if we hope to avoid similar sitchs in the future, with our H's or with a new partner, we must examine the patterns and interactions which got us here in the first place.
This journey has been enlightning and life saving for me. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
"I've felt the fire and I've been burned, But I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned." ~ Pink, Crystal Ball
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
