I understand you POV and I was probably too hasty in stating that I am trying to find someone for my next R. If my W would come knocking on my door and again I have not thought about this in a long time I would want to know her motive for wanting to come back. I am know ones second choice! And if acceptable then she would have to prove beyond belief that she believes in this M. I don't want to hold onto false hope so I am moving on with my life via GAL'ing and detaching to the point of amnesia.
HIH,
I've gone back and read the early days of your sitch on your own thread. And I dare say the bolded quote could have been spoken by your wife too right? How have YOUR actions proved to her that YOU "beyond belief, believe in this marriage"? I'm not about false hope, but get real with yourself about what you are doing and why. And no, I'm not advocating being a doormat or condoning her behaviour. From where I sit, you've shown her you are exactly the same man she married, the man that met her before his first divorce was final. Again, JMHO.
I'm all for GALing (which by the way does not translate into dating and shallow outings - it means Get a LIFE ... actually live for YOU, IMO) and detachement too. But detachment to the point of amnesia??? C'mon ... how do ever expect to get different results doing the same old thing? There are lessons to learn here, these experiences can make us stronger, better people but Tarzan-like chest thumping "I love me"s are not the answer. You're here, you found this site because you wanted to save your marriage, so as far as I'm concerned you've got what it takes to really dig deep and uncover for YOURSELF the reasons behind the actions that got you here.
Good luck to you, Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I very well know my own sitch I was basically a WAS for those months during the EA, which is the cornerstone of my current sitch. A marriage is a two-way partnership and when trust is broken it is difficult to repair the damage. Like all of us on this site we have all contributed to the deterioration of our M's it is just the WAS chose to vacate and we chose to stay.
I was never angry or hold any animosity toward my W. She did what she thought she needed to do to be happy. In fact if I were in her shoes and I was two years ago I would have done the same thing.
I thank my W for making a clean break rather than tease me with her indecision because it has helped me to detach. I have changed quite a bit since my sitch started. I am now at 195 lb when this started I weighed around 280/285 lb, I have taken acting classes, started rock climbing, spending more time with my sons and I generally have a great outlook on life. My new motto is Living Life and Loving It!...don't steal because I am thinking about trade marking it
Sure I still love my W she is a great, warm, loving individual and I miss her....you know I felt emotion when I just wrote that so it is not amnesia. But I do not sit around the house all day wondering what she is doing and what she is thinking and what I can do to get her back. She has her own free will and all I can do is to make me whole by being healthy and happy...my W does not effect me or my daily life.
If she would ever see me or communicate with me she would not recognize me. I am no longer angry...I stopped watching the 24 hrs news and talk radio, which she would watch and listen with me. That was one of my GAL activities and one that I was criticized for as well...
Although, I have a good reason to think that I will be D'd I consider where I am at emotionally a successful DB'er. I am Happy! Alone or with others! There is way too much life to take on and experience and way too short to sacrifice it for someone else...
You can't ride two horses with one ass. Read Michele's blog at David and Patricia Arquette.
If you're in your in. Date if you're divorced. You dilute your heart and your mentality toward your relationship and internal growth goals by dating other people.
The purpose of this site is to save relationships. Then to support those who don't. To heal. If you want a chance with your marriage, don't date someone else, even if your spouse does. Take the high road.
Makes sense for a WAS having a affair as well.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
