Was just wondering... Do you ever think about the fact that as people tell you this experience is really a gift - that this is time to become your best person - doesn't quite match being told that part of being a part of a couple - a really healthy couple - is the comfort in knowing that you don't have to be your best but that you work to be your best with your closest friend who supports and accepts you for better or worse? Hopefully this is clear...
Irish, That is perfectly clear. I thought about this since day one of this mess.
I have posted about that too.
Here is the thing:
You did not ask for this. You know that.
If it is MLC, this was going to happen.
Brook has said many times to people here that they
must go through their journey without us.
The better or worse part gets thrown out the window
with an MLC'r.
However, it does not get thrown out the window for us.
We are the ones standing because this is the "worse".
At the same time, we have been given this opportunity to
look at ourselves and find the things that we have lost
in ourselves because of the marriage and the patterns
we allowed ourselves to create.
So you do get the chance to become your best person as you state.
So you can choose to use this time wisely and become that better
Irish that I can see is in YOU or you have the choice to just
keep doing the same thing again in the next relationship whether
it is with your H or someone else.
My W was my best friend through this as well. We started a
friendship before we got married. We certainly did not marry
based on sex.
You state being a really healthy couple. I thought we were.
I bet you thought the same thing with your M.
Looking back now, I realize that the marriage did have some
faults. We could have continued on and I still would have been
happy. But at the same time, I had to give up a lot to keep
my W happy in order for me to stay happy. That is not a good
trade. No one should have to be the pivotal person to make or
break a relationship.
That is what I do not want to go back to. The only way that
my W is going to get through this and end up with me is if
she can find that happiness is found within. Not from external
sources. I have to let her find that. If she does not figure
that out, my M will become a prison again. A prison that I let
happen. I let myself believe that is what all marriages are
like. I let myself believe that this is what it is meant by
marriages are hard work. I still think marriages are hard work.
But not the way that I was working it. That had to stop. It took
this crisis to stop it. I am just beginning to see some of this
