Oct 6: I find cell phone records when looking at bill that was 3 times as big as usual. Hard not to notice the large number of long phone calls made to one number, and going all the way back to May. I had that number on a business card in my purse. It was H’s coworker’s number that I had suspected H had feelings for before. Phone records show continuous contact since May. Lots of long phone calls. H seems to have gotten to the point of calling her nearly every morning and every night. This is same man who can’t seem to make time to call me.
Oct 7: H finally contacts me to say he is coming in morning to get computer to use at new restaurant he will manage and will not be coming for dinner tonight. It was sooner than I expected and I rushed to ask about taking the computer for one more search for some missing birthday pictures of D’s 2yr b-day. H was frustrated and we argued. I tell H is ok, never mind about pictures, but we end up arguing that night, then talking for a while. Sad that things are so tense again.
Oct 8: H reacts negatively when I flirt a little as H comes to get D for a day out. H is supposed to tell me when he is dropping D off. At almost 3 at work and I have only a vague text message about picking D up. I am annoyed. Pulling back is one thing, but not communicating basic pickup and drop off information is another. I finally hear from H. I am supposed to pick D up at his mom’s house. I am still annoyed. Also, I broke down and looked at the phone record. He was on the phone to possible OW all morning. D is cranky and aggressive at pick up. Could be just tired, but I fear he spent the day with OW and my baby together.
I make peace that night with mother-in-law after long silence. Ask her not to be in the middle. She agrees. We will start talking again.
I start DBing on face book
Oct 9-10: Take D camping. Offer H use of house since he is working & wants a break from his parents. H accepts. Calls to chat & ask when I will be back in morning. I offer to get there before he goes to work. H says not to worry, he would be gone by 9 & we should stay & play since we were already there. Texts in morning to ask how D slept. Cold sounding when I call him to say how she did. Several disturbing things about house when I get back. H slept in smaller guest room. Back blinds are closed, not open like they usually are. H letting me know the blood on the bathroom sink was from a bloody nose, but there was no blood or evidence of any cleanup. Neighbor (who had gone to OW while back for a hair cut) remembered that OW also lives with her parents. Knowing that would have stopped me from offering H the house while we were out camping. Neighbor also tells me she saw an unfamiliar car parked in front of house while I was camping with D. Same color as OW’s car.
Oct 11: H is supposed to take D all day to play then overnight. Calls night before to ask me to drop D at daycare so he can go in to work in morning then will get her after nap. H ends up picking her up at 5pm. That night we talk on phone & H askes about the house. I told him I had no plans to move now. He said he was planning to get a place after the restaurant opened. Not what I wanted to hear, but not surprised after the last couple of weeks. I asked him to give me enough notice to get D and myself ready for the transition.
Oct 13: H is supposed to pick up D from day care. I get off work before he does and ask if is ok if I get her. Don’t like leaving her there when I am home just down the street. Have a short play time and snack before H came to get her. As an added bonus, I got to see H and did a great job staying positive and friendly. Seems to break H’s no contact behavior.
Oct 15-17: H’s parents are out of town. Fear OW contact, but decide to DB through it. H continues brief chats. No harsh or cold tone of voice all weekend.
Oct 18: H comes over to have day with D while I am at work. H fixes some stuff at the house. Next few days H is warm one day, cold the next. H is being very unpredictable. I decide to back off.
Oct 20: H is supposed to get D from day care. I have checking charges for him to categorize so I can do budget. H says he will come over and do that before taking D. H stayed till after 9:00 talking with me. First time H starts to open up in a long time. Spend time together doing family stuff, talking him avoiding me, our worries about daughter, and new restaurant opening soon. H and I set several days over next few weeks to get together, talk, and celebrate my b-day. I tell him I know I there was a very good chance I would not get what I wanted, but that he should take the time he needs to figure things out. Hugged while we talked for a while. I asked if he wanted to put November 15th talk off till after holidays, he said no, go ahead and keep it on the calendar, but couldn’t even think about it right now.
Last 2 weeks: H follows through with visits, but not much talking. I decide not to push. H is being more consistently positive. I start posting on DB board.
