Bridgestone, I liked what you wrote, particularly,
Originally Posted By: Bridgestone
I think talking the talk about backing your boundaries up and actually walking the walk takes practice, maturity, a healthy perspective and loving oneself enough to pull the trigger.
There seems to be a lot of reactivity to suggest that there is only one way to approach boundaries. Part of the problem is the language itself. Another part is what you allude to, confusion about internal boundaries and the fact that there are two people involved of equal status - after all this site is about marriage, not children, employees, gypsies, or the like.
The starting point was setting a boundary when someone (presumably one’s spouse) calls a person an “idiot.” An alternative to the orthodox approach was suggested: first listen and validate, and then set the limit. The reactions ranged from whether the same approach would work for a spouse having an affair to being abused by one’s spouse. While a one-size-fits-all approach may work for some, it doesn’t for me. I do believe there is a considerable difference between being called a name and being mugged.
I am surprised that hasn’t been any openness to even the thought that there might be something different than the consequence approach.
