Impossible to tell/say, Don't flinch, keep on the same track
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
I feel much more capable of doing just that. I feel a lot less pressure here at work if he will actually respect the fact that I don't want to talk about the D here.
I meet with my L on Monday. He wants to put it in writing that I do not have to respond to the D filing until at least after my grand rounds seminar (Dec. 3). This will for sure upset him that I don't trust his 'word'... he has proven that I can't so I think the L is right to insist on this. Unfortunately, I am the one that will have to deal with his reaction...
Trying not to think about it/anticipate it but I know him well enough to expect a knee-jerk reaction from him.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Knowing he has taken notice of my good mood and knowing he has access to my e-mail and has monitored it... I can't help wondering how I can use it to my advantage.
Any WAS out there that could think of anything that would have gotten their attention had they read it in LBS's e-mail?
Things that seem to bother him: people talking about him (currently paranoid and very guilty feeling), his reputation as he is currently very well thought of, his appearance, my chipper mood... that's all I can think of for now.
Ok, just a thought. I am continuing to feel the relief of virtually NC (except when necessary at work), and insisting that he not talk about our personal issues at work (anticipate having to reiterate this again with him but at least I know I can do it...). Church was again great last night, my cases/patients are incredibly interesting and rewarding this week, I will submit my paper today and I am just all-around feeling good about myself. Truly feel like it is his loss right now. I know I have things to change about myself and I am/have become very capable of this change. It has been a horrible/fantastic journey...onward.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Any WAS out there that could think of anything that would have gotten their attention had they read it in LBS's e-mail?
You should go and read Sandi2 and TulsaTime.
They discuss what got their attention from there specific situations.
There is nothing you should be doing with the intent of getting his attention except focusing on you. Anything else will be pursuing. Not mention he's involved in an A. Anything you do that's remotely trying to get attention or a form of control will just further justify his actions in his mind.
Hey blgp! I'm moved to MLC now, but thought I would pop over to see what you are up to.
I agree with FaithANK, no persuing. Probably the best thing you could do regarding the email is change your password. That might create a little mystery and set some boundries at the same time.
While I don't endorse trying to use the messages to get at him directly, his monitoring shows he is interested in what you are doing. Cutting off his information fix may drive him to communicate with you more honestly.
He may spin some crazy storries to explain you shutting him out of your email. I would expect some pull back for a while though. He will need time to get overwhelmed by curiosity.
Thanks all... Regarding changing my password. I know that before he changed his, I wanted to quit reading it but it was almost impossible. It was torture. I thought that perhaps leaving it would be the same for him... I can see the point though of creating mystery. I guarantee he won't say a word to me about changing the password as he thinks I don't know he is checking...
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
BTW, the most amazing thing happened last night... nothing to do with H.
I had sent my brother, a long time alcoholic, a letter lovingly addressing his health and how much I care for him and want him to get healthy.
Last night (2 weeks later) he called. It had affected him greatly. I sounded sober... first time I have heard the real him in years. We sat talking and crying about our crappy childhood and how we can't let that affect our lives now except to grow from it. Just had to share. I can't believe the power of words sometimes.
I was finally pushed to write this letter because of my current situation. Some good continues to come from this.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
What got my H's attention was seeing the changes in me. Seeing me WANT him....when previously I had not shown that....and generally showing a softer, more thoughtful side of myself. My H could see that I was trying to change; I was going to CBT on a regular basis and that was helping me change the way I viewed things and how I dealt with things. He saw me revert to the person I was more like when we first met.
None of those things did I do for my H specifically,. I just knew things weren't right between us and that the problems lay mainly with me......in my head. I wanted to be a healthy, 'whole', functioning individual. Seeing me fight for that drew my H back in to our R.
Don't play games to get your H's attention....I think that will backfire. Concentrate on you. Right at the outset of this process I remember you posting about the way you had been with your H and that you could see where things had gone wrong. Look back at that - remind yourself of what needs fixing. OW is a symptom of your M not having been in a good place for whatever reason; she is not the cause of the breakdown. I know that is hard to believe sometimes but I honestly think that is true. In my sitch OW would never have got a look in if everything in the M had been ok. OW tend to be trade downs.......someone who normally wouldn't get a look in with your S - they just happen to be there at the right time with a shoulder to cry on an admiration in their faces - they can't believe their luck- in reality, most of them turn out to be nothing eventually.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
