I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned ..

[MHL]

PEI,
First, let me say that I just had a chance to read your post from Lance's thread today that you reposted and it really is probably the most insightful post I have read here.

Much of what you folks see as "doormat" are LBS's still trying to get themselves to a place where they are ready to set and enforce boundaries. It's the same in all the sandboxes boys. If Puppy were here, he'd tell you ... I was no different in Newcomers long before I found the MLC board. I was not ready to live with the consequences of my boundaries so I was unable to enforce them. I learned that skill here, as a result of getting real with myself about my beliefs, my dealbreakers (ie Pup's Boundaries of Personal Integrity) and my core values.

This right here gets at the heart of everything. Huge difference in laying down a boundary and laying it down once you are ready for the consequences.

Thank you so much for the time you put into that.

Last night D7 asked me “why do we see OW so much?” I really didn’t know how to answer that so I said “Sweetie, you’ll have to talk to Daddy about that.”

The kids know so much more than we give them credit for. I know this hurts to hear her ask this. You responded perfectly.

You know what is amazing to me? The kids actually at times worry more about us the parent than they do about mom and dad not being together for themselves.

Eric's daughter did it when she was worried if he would have food to eat or if he would be lonely. I think you will find that your kids are going to worry about you as the R between your H and the OW progresses.

I think it is important to show our kids, not just tell them that we will be alright when they are not with us. This will be a source of alot of anxiety for them and it is our job to assure them we will be okay.

Hang in there...

Cheers