Change is in the air........

[goodattitudegirl]

WOW!!! Thank you so VERY much MHL, CW, Cas, Lance, and Seeking,

This isn't standard DB 101 stuff so I have been feeling at a loss and your discussion is very, very helpful. I am going to try to write my thoughts (may miss a few points). I've reviewed notes from my last session with Jody too.

First of all MHL, thank you SO much for sharing your perspective and so generously sharing your time in writing that post. You have really given me something to think about. Didn't feel like "wood" to me. (May I just say that your W must REALLY be in the fog. Your posts are so generous and thoughtful.)

Your post and the others have helped me to finally 'get it' that I need to change my thought process where XH is concerned since we're post-D. I need to think of him as a fella whose head I am trying to turn. I agree with you that OW#2 really isn't an OW, so I will begin referring to her as GF#2. My sources tell me they have been dating for ~6 months. I believe XH that he wasn't involved with anyone before he left; again my sources say this didn't start until our D decree was signed 7 months post-bomb.

XH is not living with GF#2 and doesn't have plans to marry her. XH told me in September that GF#2 is threatened by my friendship with him, so that is most likely why he is not telling her about our weekly meetings and emails. When XH and I were together he played pool every friday afternoon with a woman he met online long before we met. He told me about it, I trusted him, and she even came to visit at the house one day. She was REALLY not his type.......but this is something he has done in the past and is comfortable with.........I just have no interest in being relegated to that position. In answer to your question, if I was interested in someone and they were keeping our R a secret from their GF, I would make a mental note of that because that tells me something about a guy's integrity.

Fact is men and women who date often if not all the time move from dating one person to dating another person and the relationships overlap......right????

I think that you are correct about this. I choose not to do this myself, but I think many others do. When I met H/XH he had a 'friend with benefits' with whom he ended the benefits right away when it became clear that we were 'ga-ga' for each other.

My sister said “He feels that he is telling her the truth” because he told GF#2 that he doesn’t want to marry her. When XH and I first started dating we told each other that we wanted a long-term commitment with each other within a couple months, and within 6 months had bought a house together. H/XH initiated all of this between us.

Unless you haven't shared something with us, you have done nothing with him that would cause anyone to think he or you are acting sleazy.

Believe me, YOU will be the first to know if I ever get an advanced table tennis lesson from XH!

........speaking of table tennis, I DID try to inject some romance during last week's game (one of Jody's recommendations).Tried to put ping pong balls into XH’s pockets. He backed away and told me his pockets were full. I said that he needed to be balanced, although usually the balls on one side were bigger than on the other side. I told him that if he had a lot of ping pong balls in his pockets they would roll around and make him feel really good. He said that would give him something to think about later and laughed----so he acknowledged the innuendo.

You are correct in that XH and I are light years ahead of where we were right after the bomb drop. A first happened yesterday: XH sent a funny email to me and CC’ed both MY sister and HIS sister (X-SIL). That hasn’t happened since before the bomb. I got a Halloween card from X-SIL today and she emailed she wants to get together when she comes to town in a few weeks.

I see your XH moving towards you, just because he is dating somebody right now does not mean that he is not interested in you.....in fact he even said so.....

He said "No........She's not really someone that I intend to be with in a long-term R".

Why would he say this if he was not interested in you. Let's decipher what he is really saying.....

"I am with her right now but I need time to shake her off and I don't want to lose what I have with you right now."

Interesting perspective. Is this really what this translates to in manspeak???????? REALLY????? I hadn't thought of it this way. I really am clueless when it comes to what men think. I rely on the men here to try to gain insight into the male thought process...........kinda like a biologist characterizing a new species.

...............more in a bit.