How should H act if he wants a R ?

[Creed]

You mentioned that he has been paying your mortgage and helping with other bills, when necessary. Are you financially independent enough from him that you could manage these things on your own? If not, please heed the advice you have been given by more than one poster. Many LBS are afraid of'rocking the boat' by being proactive about securing financial stability, regardless of what phase the crisis may be in.

Your H is not home living with you. He runs if things get too much for him. He loves you, but at this time wants only to be 'friends', etc. etc. As mentioned before, in his confused world, he's lookingout for himself. You need to do the same.

To be blunt, his commitment level to his marriage and to other responsibilities are not to be tested with blind faith on your part.

I know that thinking about these things are the LAST thing you want to think about the man you still love so much. We've all felt the same way. But this is also where detachment comes in. You have to detach enough to protect yourself...financially, emotionally...but still leave the door open a crack to see if a relationship with him (his terms or yours) is what you want in the future.

Enjoy your night out tonight..put other thoughts aside. But please consider, starting very soon, where you are most vulnerable...and then be proactive. There is nothing wrong with discussing a financial agreement in terms of him not living at home, but still being tied financially together...where each of you are legally responsible for the others debts.

I know you'd rather think only about the emotional side of all of this...that'swhat seemsthe most important right now.But it's exactly that reason that you must force yourself to think outside of that box, you know what I mean?

I'm not trying to be a downer. I want you to be safe no matter what turns this journey has for you in the future.