To Date or not to Date?

[Truegritter]

Faith

I posted this on your other thread but also copied it over here.

Personally, I'm not divorcing my W, she is divorcing me. I'm not standing in her way and I'm not trying to do anything other than focus on my happiness.

I think this is key Faith. Letting them go. Not fighting them. Giving them what they want doesn't mean you have to agree with their decisions.

You stand for your M and your vows by not seeking a divorce.

Let them do the work for their choices.

I also think that this "letting go" takes time for the LBS they have to process the anger and blow to their self esteem caused by the tragedy in the M.

It is easy to let go with anger. That is what creates the walking wounded.

The Queens and Kings of Bitterville.

Lettting go with love is the end game and that takes time. The LBS will cycle through the stages of anger, denial, bargaining etc.

TIME.

This is my biggest concern for the LBS I see here is processing all of this and getting to a healthy place to LET GO WITH LOVE.

Also set boundaries to protect yourself in the process.

when should I not feel guilty about pursuing someone that is interested in me? The new me?

I can only say that this is a personal choice I think.

For me? My W hasn't asked me for a divorce. She hasn't pursued a divorce.

So MY choice is I am still M and I am not interested in seeking any other relationships because I am committed to this one.

Beyond that all I can say is that the healing and the learning from this process has been one of the most amazing things I have ever learned in life.

I don't think I would have had the awareness to really commit to learning and growing MYSELF if I were engaged in another relationship.

I would have IMO probably sought validation for the OLD ME and those things and/or decisions that went along with behaviors that were part of the dysfunction of my old M.

So it really comes to when are YOU, the new and improved YOU ready to share yourself and be responsible in a new relationship.

I think that takes time. People learn at different rates. When you reach a point of self realization and awareness of who you are (sorry this sounds so esoteric) then THAT is only the beginning...

That is when you feel peace within yourself and make decisions based on the truth.

It takes a while for this to become your skin.

And the challenges you are faced with people (including your spouse) will test you and fortify your awareness of your core. The YOU.

THAT is what I will call self ACTUALIZATION. When you live your life from this place.

How long is long enough?

I can only say that you will know. That truth lies within you not based on some external circumstance like a divorce decree.

Not based on the action or inaction of someone else. That is when YOU are free to make the right choice for YOU.