I came back on this morning because I wanted to see if you saw what I wrote to you.
Don't worry about finances. He moved out on March 20 and he has been paying my mortgage and has helped with other bills when necessary.
Someday said to me in a post and I can't remember who that the signs will be there about him coming out of his MLC. I think he is starting.
Since May, after he disclosed his affair to me, he started making all kinds of excuses to see me / come over. Remember, I was following Michelle's advice with the LRT.
Then July 1st came and he said he wanted to reconcile. He was here all the time doing chores. He could have gotten all that stuff done in one shot but he didn't. Plus I was becoming quite handy myself.
Anyway, I believe he is showing some signs of getting out of his fog.
As he said to me the other night once I apologized, " I still love you, why do you think I keep coming back." I laughed and said the same to him.
You know, over our entire time together, we always joked how we love each other so much yet we can't get along at times. He always threatened me with divorce, moving out. That is why I am still not 100% sure he was having a MLC. Can he have a partial one ? A moment of temporary insanity?
The point he and I always made was this, we can love each and realize maybe we can't live together.
He said the other night how he would love nothing more for us to get along because we had so many great times together. " No one will ever understand me like you, enjoy all the same things as me as you did. " You see, his OW only wanted to stay home and drink and smoke. Yes, my H was drinking excessively but she was drinking more than him. She never wanted to do things whereas I love being outdoors and going to NYC or anywhere, climb mountains, go to the beach etc. She also was a horrible housekeeper. On July 1st he kept saying to me, " I never complimented you on being an excellent housekeeper and how organized you were with everything. I took you for granted."
From what you wrote to me, I realize I played my cards all wrong. I kept bringing up the R, the OW and all the hurts. BUT it was a painful time for me.
Something clicked in me this week with comments from all of you.
I don't feel sad for myself.
Just last night my sister said to me, " I feel badly for you and if you want to go out next Sunday or Monday for dinner, we can go."
Me - " What are you talking about ?" Her - " Your anniversary next Monday." Me - " OH!! To tell you the truth, I have been putting it out of my mind, I don't want to think about it. But if I change my mind, thanks for the offer."
See, I am starting to improve. Baby Steps.
Yes, my oldest son, is very insightful. I told him last Sunday. I miss him so much. He lives in England. He is a JAG lawyer for the USAF. I only get to see him a few times a year.
Trust me, I love his quote and try to be patient and remember it.
It is a beautiful day here in NJ,cooler than it has been but sunny and bright blue skies.
I am going out for a long walk then I am looking forward with being with friends, H is included in that friends.
