The hardest thing I've ever done.

[Royloveshiswife]

I understand your view on unconditional love. I'm not receiving it either. Im also not showing it. But I do have it. I vowed to. I didnt vow to her, I vowed to God. No one else has the power to release me from that vow. She has told me to, several times. I took my wife for granted. I did a lot of things wrong. A lot. But this one vow Im not giving up. It's my vow to keep or ask God to release me from.
As far as your emotions go, I told you thats your decision to make. I made mine. I spent close to year making that decision. I am a very proud man. I am proud of where I came from, my accomplishments, my abilities and my choice in Faith. But those things won't save my marriage. I cant make you decide one way or the other. As far as controlling my emotions, it just looks like I have a handle on them. But when I'm talking to her, I keep a damn tight leash on them. All I want to say is "I love you. Stop doing this. Why do you think this is the only way?" But I spent a lot of time saying that, and all i got was anger, sadness and tears. I refuse to live like that. If you want to do it you can. I never said it would be easy. Hell, I named this thread what I did because it is truly the Hardest thing I've done. I just started a new job in a new to me field, requiring math I havent thought of since college, and its super easy by comparison. But it will be worth it. Because it will be Amazing. She has said there is no hope, no chance. Against my God, I like those odds. There is nothing He can't do, and this will make a Glorious testament to His greatness. Make no mistake, I'm not this strong. I would have given up months ago. But knowing what I know, we'll make it. I pray you make the right decision, for you. I dont know what that is, but I know who does.