I am actually trying to identify those things that mainly produce a negative/positive response and 180 on the negatives.
You mean like bringing up the D word, talking about the R, and asking him if he is still in an A? Stay away from those topics. Do NOT argue with him. If he starts, then turn and walk away.
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I don't follow him around I actually avoid him were I can. It's only when I feel my boundaries are being violated in my own home that I confront him. And when I do he goes ballistic. So how do I ensure that he misses me when we are staying under the same roof.
What boundaries (beside contacting OM) has he done in your home?
Don't just go out whenever he is ignoring you or sming. Plan to have activities outside of the home. Don't tell him what the plans are, just say you have plans and then leave. So what if he goes ballistic? Has he ever hit you when he was angry? Unless you are afraid of him, don't worry if he gets mad......he can get glad in the same rags he got mad. I think you try to hard to be a pleaser and that use to be what women were taught to do, but you have a mind of your own and you should also have a life that does not include him all the time.
Go to the library, shop, visit the sick, whatever you want to do, but get out away from him! Do something for yourself.
Make personal goals that aim high in changing your habits and make you a better person. Learn to like yourself most of all. Your worth is not decided on how he thinks of you.
Don't tell him that you are trying to change. Don't pursue him. Don't do anything to pressure him to show his feelings, talk to you, give you affection, spend time with you, etc. Don't cry in front of him. Don't throw mad fits around him. Don't talk very much. Wait for him to be in charge of talking and if he doesn't.....then there will be no discussions!
Do things that might throw him for a loop, like getting up in the middle of a TV program and saying you have to go do something. If he asks what, then hesitate while looking at him seriously and say, "Ummm.....got to get some ice cream". Then leave and don't answer any more of his questions.When you come back home emptied handed and he asks where's the ice cream, then you tell him that you went to the ice cream place and ate it there. That's all, and then you go to bed or do something else. In other words, be mysterious. He's bored with the M and that's why he was looking at OW in the first place.
My suggestion is don't leave the house unless you are afraid of him. And if you are afraid, then you don't need to be M to him.
Don't be so sure that he wouldn't face people without you. The WAS's seem to do things they never would have before the A. Has he ever had an A since he's been M to you? Bet you never thought he would do that, either.
You can do this. You just need to start respecting yourself more and making sure he shows you respect also.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
