Change is in the air........

[MHL]

GAG,

First, I want to say I like you and I look forward to your posts and I have nothing but high hopes for you reconciling with your XH.

With that being said I would like to point out some things that I see. It is sometimes hard to look objectively at our own situations, that is why we are here to give you a different perspective.

1. You are divorced, this is your ex-husband and he is currently not married, he is no different than any other eligible bachelor out there. (sorry that is harsh)

2. He is dating a woman not a "other woman".

3. He is not living with her, (I assume)

4. He is not married to her and has no plans to.

What am I getting at here????

You are playing table tennis with a man, plain and simple and you are trying to win him over to move your relationship from friendship to a romantic one......right????

If you had not ever been married to him and had just met him, how would you be acting??? What would you be saying??? I know that is not the case but ask yourself that. Would you feel sleazy in that situation??

Fact is men and women who date often if not all the time move from dating one person to dating another person and the relationships overlap......right????

AND

Unless you haven't shared something with us, you have done nothing with him that would cause anyone to think he or you are acting sleazy. A peck on the cheek, and some nice hugs. (this wouldn't even come close to sleazy for grit and eric)

That being said, if you were in the same situation with some other man, are you saying that you would not carry on with that person because they were dating someone else???

Now if he asks you to hop in the sack for an advanced ping pong lesson.....well that is a different story.

Not done with the wood yet.....

so I asked him about it. He said that OW#2 had come back to him 1 week after he broke it off with her in September (he said he broke it off because she wanted to get M and he didn't) and they have been together since that time.

Nothing wrong with this, a legitimate question between 2 people who are doing things together.

I said "Does OW#2 know that we play ping pong?" He said "No........She's not really someone that I intend to be with in a long-term R".

Even this is okay, and I like his response, more about that in a minute.

I said "Did you keep secrets from me when we were together?" He made a facial expression to indicate "kinda" (not sure what those secrets might have been).........and quickly added "I never cheated on you".........Then I looked at him and said "You're really good at the first part (of a R), but not so good after that". I started to ask him how long he had been with OW#2 and he said "certainly not when we were together".

This up here ^^^^^^ is R talk and that equals pressure and if you were with any other man that you did not previously have a relationship with you would not be asking him if he kept secrets, cheated, or lied in his previous R......would you?????

Look I know this is hard, and what is even harder to see is that you are actually making progress. Stop a minute, look over your shoulder, see where you have been.

Yep, you come a long way.......DO NOT THROW IN THE TOWEL NOW!!! And do not do or say anything that is going to cause him to experience pressure.

Oh...BTW, why do you need a boundary??? I totally disagree with this. YOU are entitled to your feelings but at the end of the day YOU are the one choosing to feel sleazy, YOU are the one that is passing judgement on his behavior. HE is not making you feel this way, HE cannot make YOU feel anything. I know boundaries are to protect you from his bad behavior, right???? What is it exactly that this man is doing to you that is so bad? (forget the past)

This is the hard part as you move closer to him you are voluntarily openning yourself up to some of these feelings. No one said this is going to be easy and that you are not going to have to deal with your emotions.......comes with the territory....dig in GAG, you can do this.

I see your XH moving towards you, just because he is dating somebody right now does not mean that he is not interested in you.....in fact he even said so.....

He said "No........She's not really someone that I intend to be with in a long-term R".

Why would he say this if he was not interested in you. Let's decipher what he is really saying.....

"I am with her right now but I need time to shake her off and I don't want to lose what I have with you right now."

It was also his idea to schedule another game next week.....right????

I am sorry, but what are you expecting at this point? (hopefully nothing). He is not going to just drop her and run back to you, and if you keep up some of the stuff you are doing he definitely won't.

However

If you get back up, dust yourself off and start laying some of the GAG charm on him you will continue to see him SLOWLY warm up to you.

Remember.....what is love but, friendship on fire.....(nickel Grace)

Be his friend with no pressure.

TIME and Patience GAG