A man in full

[ericmsant2]

Grit,

My friend, my bro, this is a very tough decision that you are facing and honestly ONLY YOU have the answer.

I want you to put aside the fact that your W has not asked for a D
I want you to put aside how YOUR W “feels”
I want you to put aside the financial implications for one second
I want you to put everything aside for just a second

I want you to be brutally honestly with yourself (not that you normally are not).

AND I want you to ask YOURSELF the one question….that you are asking….

Do YOU still want to be married to your W?

I did not ask you if you love her – we both know that you do and always will. I did not ask you if you want another shot with her we both know that YOU decide that. I did not ask you if financially this make sense. I asked you a straight forward question. Do you still want to be married to her?

Grit, you came here to save YOUR M and we both know that in the process YOU saved yourself. You my friend, my bro ARE a better MAN.

What does the BETTER man DO?

What does the new GRIT do and want?

Put aside, what everyone tells you – fuc* dude, even me.

Put aside, IF reconciliation is possible, cause honestly dude – you can reconcile AFTER a D.

Put aside the financial risk

Here is where the rubber meets the road my friend, here is where YOU get to decide YOUR next move. You know that YOU can change your mind.

How much is the extra income worth to YOU? How much is SHE?

I am not ONE to preach to anyone about commitment – and I know YOU know what I mean by this….BUT

Is the income worth it?

And FTR, trust me I get the concern…I do…

Back to my point….

Do YOU still want to be married to your W?

Only YOU know the answer to this.

Having said the above, here is what I did…maybe this helps. Each of us is different but maybe this can help in some way.

I found out about OM#2 and freaked the f out…

Then I went to speak to a L to find out some info and honestly, try and cover my ass and make sure that I could afford to eat. My L advice – “you are leaving yourself exposed”.

I decided I was going to file and instructed L to do so….THEN…..I cried…and posted…and realized….

I then told my L to stop the process – that I wanted to remain with my W and that I would not be the one to pull the plug – as YOU know, my W filed.

Here is what I decided and why….

I will stick this out and as best I can NOT let the financial piece drive my choices.

Child Support is a set formula – so really filing made no sense

Alimony – Here is the scary part….yes she can be entitled to a substantial portion of my income and honestly dude, some days I still worry about

BUT

I will survive

I will leave it up to a judge and/or the L to work it out

I will trust that the process will work in BOTH of our advantages

I owed it to HER and MYSELF to ride it out, while living my life (for those who may say I am being a doormat)

AND what helped me get to this point…..

In her core, she has never been one to “take me” for everything she could….could that change?

Yep

Except

It does not change the fact that I still want to be married to her

My final thoughts…..

From a practical standpoint….

How much can she really take from you…pride aside, worry aside, really how much..

Is that worth a different approach…..

Has she gone bat chit wild and run up debt, while you are still M? I suspect not…

Why would she do it in the future?

OR….does Grit feel a little stronger now that his financial profile is changing?

I think you already know WHAT YOU NEED AND WANT TO DO….

TRUST YOURSELF BRO…..

You got this!

Love ya man!

Eric