my massage went from 30 mins to 60 mins. masseuse said i was really tense in the upper back, shoulders, and neck. the masseuse recommended a follow up appointment on tuesday.
wow .. i haven't had a massage in 2 yrs.
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I guess my question for you is, how can we help you now?
here's the thing .. my jekyll and hyde thing cycles with that time of the month. my pms has never been this bad. it seemed to have magnified after the d-bomb. it's like all of this pent up anger just exploded out of me.
i was never vocal during our m - always careful not to say anything i would regret. but after the d-bomb, i spew whatever i want because i don't know you and you don't know me from adam .. and it's a form of release for me. i get to be the crazy woman .. i get the freedom to speak my mind and get it off my chest. i can use whatever language/words i want .. and it never goes back to my h. unless he reads this.
i say this all the time but it really has to stop. i need to practice full NC. no indirect contact either. i have to simply work on me. my focus is totally off .. which has led to me 'spider webbing' when i talk .. i can't stay on a subject. my ic has tried to get me to practice mindfulness so i can focus.
there is still legal work to be done. and i'm just preparing myself for when the papers are served. i want to be 'okay' when it happens and when i sign the final documents to say it's completely dissolved.
