Also got "someone who cared about me would have helped to take care of me last night instead of leaving"
I replied "I'm not going to play chambermaid to a drunk...that's the third time it's happened...luckily the girls didn't see you this time"...she has gotten drunk twice before and puked out the window of our car while our daughters were sitting in the back seat.
I also said "and recall who took care of you when you had a severe migraine headache...twice actually so don't label me as uncaring...it's insulting"
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
Arguing with her just confirms for her that you're still engaged. Consider giving her the "I'm sorry you feel that way" and walking away approach next time.
Honestly, just agreeing completely changes the energy. She has nothing to argue with or push against. It's funny sometimes to see them look almost deflated.
I replied "I'm not going to play chambermaid to a drunk...that's the third time it's happened...luckily the girls didn't see you this time"...
I think you did Ok with the speaking part. You shouldn't have this in your home, and you don't need to walk on egg shells because your wife has an alcohol problem.
The question I have is "Or what?". What are you going to do if she goes out, gets drunk, comes home at 1:30 in the morning again?
FWIW, it's starting to sound like she needs to quit drinking before anything positive can happen in her life.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
All quiet today...she is at a Girl Scout camping trip with my DD10. When I came home yesterday, she looked like she had been crying or upset. I loaded the car with the camping gear gave my DD a kiss and kissed the wife on the cheek and away they went. Had a logistical TM exchange with W last night and that's about it.
She was unapologetic about the drinking/throwing up incident. Her initial response was she had a glass of wine and 1 and 1/2 glasses of brandy with no dinner in honor of her friends dying father...THANKS for your lack of understanding.
Something similar happened last year when we went to a memorial service and she drank then got sick and had to throw up out of the window of our car with my DD10 in the back. Even had to lie to her best friend why my W couldn't make it to see her while W's BF was in town.
Similar incident two years ago at a wedding only both DD's were in the car this time while she threw up out the back window.
Yesterday on the phone she told me "good luck finding someone else".
It's just hard to say goodbye to a twenty year relationship so I'm struggling today. My DD8 has a birthday party this afternoon and the dad is a single parent we met on a camping trip.
You know I expended tons of effort the last two months with surprise dates, an over nighter, etc. The sex was great and more frequent than any other time in our 20 years but sex alone can't sustain a relationship. I enjoyed sleeping in the same bed together for the first time in over a year. Just sad because my expectations were so high.
Am I asking to much to be shown some unsolicited affection? An occasional hug or I Love You just because from my W and romantic partner of 20 years?
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
