'Perhaps you have an idea about what he could say and do that would demonstrate commitment and remorse'I have told him as much just wanted him to say sorry and he realised how he had hurt me and that he would work on our marriage....but he never said anything.

'And how do you respond when that is said?'Mostly keep quite or try to show him the times we have had and what he said previously that contradicts what he is saying now. I really do't know what to say. It hurts.

'Perhaps that gives you some thoughts about what might happen now.'It kind of does, though many pple r advising me against leaving. Maybe I will try the 180s fully before I do that.

'perhaps you are feeling at this point that would happen again if the emotional intimacy were re-established.'Exactly my thoughts but how do we achieve that if one party seems unwilling to reestablish that. We even sleep in seperate rooms. Aaargggh

'The only way he will want to be with you is if he misses you. How can he experience the loss of you if you never leaver his side?'I don't follow him around I actually avoid him were I can. It's only when I feel my boundaries are being violated in my own home that I confront him. And when I do he goes ballistic. So how do I ensure that he misses me when we are staying under the same roof.

'Perhaps you're not even sure that you even want to work on the marriage, since the problems seem too large and difficult to cope with.'I want to...just need the tools that would work. Though of course one longs for peace and quite thus my decision to leave.

'but if you know the outcome will be terrible......would that not give you some restraint?'True it must. I am actually trying to identify those things that mainly produce a negative/positive response and 180 on the negatives.

' Leave him there to sm all he wants but you don't sit next to him all snuggled up while he disrespects you like that. 'Wise words, have been going into the next room or going out for a walk. Last time I did that, when I came back he was all piqued and noticed that I left (Had gone out for maybe 45 min)

'Who is he thinking about while ML?'Good question, I actually ask myself that. He has indicated that we should not be involved sexually whilst we are going thru our problems. And he is one very sexual person. His interest has suddenly faded. Anyway the few times we have done it, it felt so empty. At one point I actually lost interest when in the middle coz the the words of their smses were playing in my mind and I felt sick. Arghh

'You must stop doubting yourself. Something ain't right. And Sandi is right, you must apply what you are learning here no matter what.'
Doing that and still learning. Today I also bought Tough love by Dr Dobson. A good read.

So u guys, u saying leaving is out of qeustion?????